Tina : “Bette, I didn’t even know if you would be interested in Laurel.”

Bette : “*****.” I mutter and look down at the sand. My elbows are resting on my knees. I pick sand up and let it slowly run out of my closed vertical fist, like it might hold some magical explanation for all this. “Tina, how could you ever think that ?”

Tina : “Bette, I never thought, I thought a lot of things.I didn’t know what to think.”

Bette : “They all knew didn’t they, Alice, Shane.”

Tina : “Bette, they didn’t know you were going to leave either.”

Bette : Still no one told me while I was here. Jesus, you must have thought I was an arsehole. Tina, I didn’t think I had anything to keep me here. How could you think I would not be interested in our child ?”

Tina : “There was no us Bette.” I say gently. I decline to respond to the arsehole comment. Yes and no is the answer, too complicated for right now.

Bette : “God, and aren’t I reminded of that everyday.” My patience begins to run out as I continue to play with sand. “Tina” and for the first time I look up, glare at her. “why don’t you just say it, there was no us, there was nothing keeping me here, you feel justified on not telling me you were pregnant.”

Tina : “Bette, come on.”

Bette : “Tina, were you ever going to tell me?”

Tina : “Bette, I promise you I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how and when.” I sigh aware that did not come out quite how I intended.

Bette : “Did you intend for Laurel to be our daughter or your daughter ?”

Tina : “Bette, that is not fair.”

Bette : “Nothing is ***** fair Tina, look at us and it should be an easy answer Tina, instead you are stalling. I’ll tell you what is not fair and that is that I do not know my daughter’s last name, her birthday and I missed her first steps. And did you try to call me, to contact me, did anyone, why didn’t Kit tell me ?” I am starting to sound a little accusatory.

Tina :”I do not know why Kit did not tell you. Bette, I am sorry you have missed so much, really. There so much for you to contribute in the coming years, if you want to.”

Bette : I watch Laurel unsteadily walk about in the sand, choco running after her, she is laughing. “Of course I want to and I want us to work together, because she should be our highest priority.”

Tina : “Agreed.” and I smile at Bette. Aware this conversation could have gone a lot worse.

Bette : “I think I might take a walk.” I say it like I do not want company. I want time to watch the sun set alone, to think over what Tina has said. I see the vibrant yellow sinking into the perfectly still water, surrounded by the pinks and white. “I won’t be long.”

Tina : “OK” I say it knowing Bette needs time to process our conversation.

Bette : It is not quite dark when I am back to Tina. I sit next to her silently.

Tina : “July 25^th 2004. Her last name is Porter-Kennard. She took her first steps on June 4^th this year, in our home Bette.”

Bette : I am glad it is dark and I feel Tina’s hand on my shoulder, as I let the tears of both relief and sadness fall silently. I fight hard not to allow it but I cannot contain it. I wipe them away with my left hand, Tina is sitting on my right and I hope she will not notice. I am kidding my self. Tina always knew when I’d been crying. I feel her arm around me.

Tina : “I am sorry Bette, I did not mean to hurt you. But we have so much to look forward to.” I nod in the direction of the now sleeping Laurel and choco. I know Bette is crying and her agreement is in her silence.

Bette : “Tina, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask me ?”