She smiles “I was thinking a couple of days ago how huge it must have been for you – you gave up your old life for me “

“If it had been the only way to be with you I would have stayed your secret “

Bette shakes her head “No – that was never going to happen. There is something you don’t know “

“What ?”

Bette sips her wine “ Maybe I have drunk too much but hell I will tell you –  I had a conversation with Peggy about resigning “

“WHAT ?”

“It crossed my mind that if everyone really went ape about us  – all of the senior staff and the party big noises – yes  – I would have resigned “

“I wouldn’t have let you “

“That was what Peggy said – she said that if I said to you that I was thinking about it you would have left me and made me stay “

“I would have – god Porter – there are times when I think I have worked you out but – I havent – you are fucking unbelievable “

“You don’t get a second shot at the relationship that I knew you and I were starting on”

I take her hand and kiss it

“Peggy was right  – I would never have let you resign – but thanks – it means a lot to me that you have told me that “

“I should have told you sooner “

“I understand why you didn’t – we have been on a journey that I do not think that anyone else will ever understand “

“I know “

There is a silence – if we are being honest I decide to suggest something that I am not sure she will agree to – but its been on my mind for about a week

“Lets put the inseminations on hold “

She doesn’t look surprised or shocked

“I have been thinking and worrying about that “

“You have ?”

　

“We are working very hard at putting our marriage back on track which I think we are doing – we both know what we would be losing if we let what we have slip away. But we have both realised it before it got too serious. I think our marriage and being together and spending time with Ella is our priority “

“I thought you would hate the idea “

“I am not a monster “

“I know you aren’t  – you are the most wonderful woman. I think me worrying the whole time about getting pregnant wasn’t helping our relationship. A few months not thinking about ovulation and all the things that brings – taking my temperature and not wanting to be away from home when I am at my most fertile – its exhausting “

“It is “

“You really don’t mind ?”

“No –  you have been trying so hard that is drained you – I don’t want that – I hate that Ti – lets have some quality time together and with our baby girl”

I nod “Thank you “

She kisses my hand “So we agree to concentrate on the three of us before we worry about a fourth member of our family ?”

I nod – god that is such a relief. I thought she would take it hard – that she would fear that I was rejecting her. I look at her and she winks at me. Again I make the vow that I am going to be the  First Lady and wife that she deserves me to be.