Alice I always thought that no matter what happened between us, we’d always be able to talk. I thought I’d always know what you were thinking and how to make things alright for you. I used to read you like a book and you done exactly the same to me. Today I saw nothing readable in how you looked at me. Sure you looked scared and nervous as did I but that’s natural. I couldn’t see any underlying feelings that you usually show so easily. I wont lie to you when I say it made my stomach hit the floor. I lost all confidence in the things I’ve longed to tell you. The voice in my head told me I couldn’t read any underlying feelings because there was none. I believed it and I don’t know why. Maybe I was looking a way out so I wouldn’t have to face rejection by my true love. Whatever the reason I messed up so badly and I need you to understand that I never meant to hurt you. Just having you sitting in front of me was enough to make my heart shine and feel love again. For the first time in 10 years I felt pure love and it made my heart flutter. I took in every part of your beautiful face to imprint a new image in my mind. Your eyes still sparkle, although I do see a pain behind them and it hurts to know I caused it. Faint lines appear in the corners when you smile and it tugs my heart strings at the absolute beauty of it. Your blonde hair and beautiful smile, I have you in my head.

I really wanted to tell you how I was feeling and so many times I built up the courage to say it. Then when I went to it got stuck in my throat because seeing the pain behind your eyes told me I had no right to hurt you again. I couldn’t bear that because you really are my life. I have put a coldness into the most loving person I know and that breaks my heart. I need to know what you feel inside. I know that’s asking a lot since I was the one who broke us up, I just need to know. So now im going to tell you how I feel.

Alice from I met you all those years ago I knew I had found someone incredibly rare and special. You always have the gift of making me smile even when it feels like the world is crumbling around me. I fell in love with you the day I laid eyes on you. I’m only half complete when we are parted. I’ve spend 10 long years with an emptiness and longing inside of me. My heart is broken and always will be if I cant have you. I love you with every beat of my heart and I wish so desperately that you know it. For 10 years you have continued to talk to me in my head, your voice so clear. When I cry over how I lost you, I feel you hold me close your breath on my neck. You laugh with me and you cry with me. I need to keep these feelings with me because I cant bear to let you go. My heart will always ache for you and always call for you. Every breath I take I do for you in a vein hope that you will come back to me. You are the reason I get up in the morning and continue to live this life I’ve made for myself. My heart will continue to call your name, pleading for you to come back. I just hope and pray that you will because we are meant to be together. You have my heart and soul and know that with these I will love you for the rest of my life.

Forever yours,

                     Dana