Fan Fiction
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The Newly Discovered SoCal Humminger Bette Porterius ~ Chapter 1
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“You’re humming.”
“Hmm?”
“You’re humming.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“You. Are. Humming.”
“Alice, your vivid imagination is in overdrive.”
Alice pretended to be lost in thought, “Alice Piezecki, greatest jungle explorer of the age, on an expedition to the unexplored territory of West Hollywood, has discovered a new species. The :Humminger Bette Porterius.” Alice looked at Bette, “I’ll write an article. Then there’ll be clamoring for a book about my adventures in the wild. I’ll make the talk show rounds, maybe The Today Show, Oprah. The Oprah will be enchanted and dump Stedman, maybe even Gayle King, for me. I’ll move to Chicago. Then…”
“Alice.”
“What?”
“All of that depends on one thing.”
Yeah?”
“That I’m humming. And I am not.” Bette reached for her coffee cup and was about to stand up.
Alice panicked. If Bette left, she would be out of excuses to avoid her office. :”Bette, look, I’m sorry. Bette Porter doesn’t hum. I must have been one of those things I am always hearing in my own head.”
“You should get that checked.”
“I get a lot of ideas for articles that way.” Alice made the final steps of her retreat. “So, has everything sold out?”
Bette’s eyes brightened, always happy to speak about her new gallery. “Almost and Catherine Opie has agreed that mine will be the exclusive LA gallery for her work.”
“That’s great, right.”
“It is, for now. After her next show, I’ll want the US exclusive.”
“You’ll seduce her with your charms.”
“I’ll merit the exclusive because of my gallerist skills.”
“You could speed things along.”
“Alice!”
“I’m just saying. Nothing wrong with a little consenting adult persuasion.”
“That is not what I do,” Bette testily responded.
“What about that sculptor?”
“Merely coincidental. Our relationship began after she agreed to show at Phillip’s gallery.”
“Lucky coincidence, I’d say, and you call eight days a ‘relationship’?”
Bette glared at Alice. “Do you have any more suggestions for how I shout obtain artists for the gallery, or may I leave to go to my new gallery and review artists’ portfolios and assemble my next show the tedious way by using my skill.”
“You know, you shouldn’t be so snappish. You needed the help of the beautiful, brilliant and inspired ex to find your gallery space.”
Bette remained impassive, waiting for Alice to finish.
“Remember? The ex you dumped out of the blue.”
“It wasn’t out of the blue.”
“It was to me.”
“Then you weren’t paying attention,” Bette sighed. Alice brought up their breakup at least once a week. “Alice, thank you for helping me find the gallery space.”
“See. You can be gracious when you try.”
“I have thanked you before, Alice.”
“Some tokens of gratitude. You know, flowers, champagne, jewelry, chocolates, lingerie.”
“Alice, those are romantic gifts.”
“Well, I didn’t get any of those when we were together.”
“Six weeks, Alice.”
“You never gave anyone a romantic gift until the seventh week, huh?”
Bette had been about to toss off a sarcastic response but paused when she realized that Alice had a point. She paused and looked levelly at her table companion. “Which one do you want?”
“All of them.”
“No.”
“I think it’s fair.”
Bette stared at Alice. She stood and began to grab her briefcase and jacket. As she began to leave she stopped. “No lingerie and the roses will not be red.”
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Yeah…Spumoni in the house!First…what a great title. Clever!Ok…already hooked…Bette’s whistling and happy and she hasn’t met Tina yet? If we go by gradients, Bette will explode like fireworks when she meets Tina and feels their chemistry! Bring it on Spumoni-style!
WOOHOO :) …….Oh yepper this is gonna be good!!
Love seeing your name beside a story, as always! Just your titles crack me up not to mention the story. Look forward to the opening as well as an update on Pinky’s pack!!
Alice must have really loved or wanted Bette because now she is begging for presents from Bette.
Very interesting start please continue.
Interesting beginning. Alice is unique.
Alice is such a hoot, what would Bette do without her? Great start so far, thanks Spumoni!
Alice Alice Aice wht friendship will be without you lol. She is something I am telling you pmsl. PPVS
Alice is a piece of working, I love her. Please continue, and let’s see where this goes. I love B&T together. PPS
Great start. I love the banter between Bette and Alice. I can picture them saying these lines. You have really captured their personalities in this dialogue.
Humorous much??!!! Welcome back. I will wait…patiently….for the other stories.
Great start – love all your stories. Thank you for this :)
OMG, I imagine my surprise and delight at finding a new Spumoni story upon waking this morning. I’m so very excited!!! Major standing ovation for you :D
and you’re back!!!! i was about to send search and rescue…honest…i love the humor and the story already, sometimes i don’t know if i want to hug Alice or throttle her LOL
Hi there, dear sweet Spumoni! A new B&T beginning, yaayyy!!! It is different and with a great sense of humour. We loved it. Thumbs up! PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Lu & Marsh (The Salsa Aunties) P.S. Can’t wait to have an update on the most addictive story we love: the wolfie’s! Yaaayyyy!! Thanks! xoxoxo
Cute so way.
“No lingerie and the roses will not be red.” LOL. Great Start!
love alice… i could just see them talking about this… ok i’m hooked… pps
OMG!!! You are back!! and with a new FF!! As the rest of your fans.. I’m already loving it.. and waiting to see where do you take us with this. Oh and waiting patiently for that wolfie update you promised :). Hugs