Bette swallowed, unable to trust her own vision. “Tina?” she asked.

“Yes, Sweetie. It’s Tina. I’m right here. But I won’t startle you. I promise.”

Bette looked up, wiping at her face. “T?” she asked.

“Yes, it’s me, Bette. Just you and me. No one else.”

Bette looked around. “I’m home?”

“Yes. We’re in your bedroom. You’re safe. No one will hurt you. I promise you.”

Tina scooted a little closer. “I’m going to come to you slowly, Bette. Is that okay?”

Bette nodded. Her voice was heavy with emotion. “I’m so sorry, Tina.”

Now Tina was crying. “Don’t you ever apologize for this. Ever.”

“It was so real, T. Like I was there. And she was on top of me. I tried to get away then. I couldn’t get away. I could see her. I thought – – – I thought you were her. I’m so sorry.”

Tina scooted a bit closer. “I’m not her. She’s not here. She can’t hurt you. I won’t let her.”

Bette rested her head against her knees, watching Tina’s slow progression. “I’m so ashamed, Tina. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.”

Tina shook her head. “This isn’t your shame. You never have to feel shame with me.”

Bette looked away, her eyes focused on the bookcase behind her bed. “You don’t know everything, Tina.”

Tina scooted again. “Will you tell me? You know I love you.”

Bette looked at her. “Do you? You don’t really know me. You don’t know what I – – – what happened.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not ready for me to know.”

The pain in Bette’s wet-rimmed eyes stabbed Tina in the heart. “You see, T? This is why I’m not ready. This is one of our early memories together. This! I hate this. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to be ready for you.”

Tina scooted again. “I’m in this with you, Bette. I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you.”

Bette shook her head. “But is this me? Is this really me? I can’t even kiss you without freaking out like some maniac. I need to get myself together, Tina.”

Tina could feel Bette’s resolve for their relationship slipping away. She sensed Bette building a wall between them. A wall she thought would shield Tina and protect their future. She didn’t want that barrier to be built.

“Don’t shut me out, Bette. We can do this, together. Please don’t shut me out.”

Bette looked at her, meeting the eyes she’d become so fond of. “You’re so pretty, Tina. You know that, right?”

Tina nodded, moving closer.

“You can have anyone in the world,” said Bette.

“I want you.”

Bette shook her head. She was rocking slowly back and forth. “Not like this, T. Not until I’m better.”

Tina had finally arrived. She spoke softly. “Babe, I’m going to touch you, okay? It’s just me. Look at me.”

Bette did as she was asked, meeting Tina’s warm eyes. Tina reached a hand to Bette’s knee and then another. She pulled Bette into her arms, the brunette cradled against her chest. She kissed Bette’s unruly dark locks and held her tightly.

“Shh,” said Tina.

They sat like that for a moment, until Bette quieted. Tina stood and reached down for her lover’s hand. She helped Bette stand and led them back to bed.

“No more surprises tonight,” said Tina. “I’m just going to hold you. Is that okay?”

“Yes, T. It’s more than okay. I’m like a fucking mental patient,” said Bette.

“No, you went through a very traumatic experience. You need to give yourself room to heal. Be patient with yourself. As patient as you’d be with me. Okay?” said Tina.

Bette nodded and Tina turned off the lamp. She lay on her back and gathered Bette in her arms. The brunette lay her head on Tina’s chest, holding her tightly.

“I love you, Bette. Let’s get some sleep,” said Tina.

“I love you, too,” Bette replied.