“It is just very hard to talk about…..”

“I understand that…..please talk to me…” pleaded Tina……..

“Ok……OK…..let’s get the food together, and we can go in the den and sit at the coffee table to eat. We can talk then…….”

“K.” said Tina…….

I did not want to dredge up the past again…..it took me sooo long to get over everything that happened…..and I have never discussed it with anyone…..matter of fact, people avoid the subject like the plaque around me……they just know that it is a very, very sore one……I haven’t even thought about it in so long…….……but now, here I am, with a woman that could be a part of my future, and she wants to know everything that happened……maybe she is right, maybe it will help to talk about it…..but hey, I’ve done just fine in the past, not talking about it…right?….if I pull it all back up, it may come back full force with me…….what then? I wont be able to have any relationship with anyone……not even Tina…I don’t know…….she had already gone into the den with her glass of wine……..and was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table as I walked in with our plates, my glass, and yes, the wine bottle……..

“thank you……” she said as she stood and took her plate, and the wine from me……she sat them both on the table, and sat back down on the floor……..I joined her……….

We both took a bite of our nuggets…….

“So…..” started Tina……..

“So…..” I repeated after a few seconds……

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Tina asked as she got another bite….

“It was bad Tina…”

“I’m sorry……”

“It wasn’t your fault…..you have no reason to be sorry……..it was all my fault……”

“Go on……”

“Well, Sara and I grew up together….we were inseperable all through grade and high school, and when we were seniors, she and I found this new thing together……we fell in love…….I loved her with all of my heart…….I would fall asleep thinking about her, dream about her, and wake up not being able to wait to see or talk to her……..It was the most amazing time of my life…..I would have died for her……the problem was, that I didn’t…..” I said through tears that began to fall…….