Tina instinctively moved closer to me, and put her arm around my shoulder…… “what do you mean by that Bette?”

“I…..well…….we went to our senior prom together……everyone was cool with her and I being a couple…matter of fact, they all planned a party for her and I after prom…….and we went…….we had talked about everything after high school…….what we had planned, we were even going to go to the same college……”

“That sounds awesome Bette…..”

“It was………..until I got stupid…………”

“What do you mean?” tina asked……

“I was an……an idiot……..I had drank too much……..and I ……..I……..I …….killed her…….I……we had an accident……..and she died……it should have been me……..I should of died……..” I cried……

Tina pulled me into a tight hug…… “OMG……its ok baby……it was not your fault……”

“It was…….and I will never forgive myself…….we had plans, we were going to move to a state that recognized gay marriages……we wanted kids together……..we had a huge future planned….and what I did that night……it was inexcusable…..I took the chance of life away from her…..”

“Bette, what happened?”

“I had too much to drink Tina….and I left the party driving….I shouldn’t have ….but I did……and now I can’t bring her back……” I cried……

Tina just pulled me into her arms, and I eventually cried myself to sleep…….an hour later, I awoke to her brushing my hair out of my face….I actually laid there and let her…..I acted as if I was asleep the whole time……I love her touch….so soft and caring…..what am I saying? I cannot let myself get into another relationship….I tend to ruin everything, or hell, even kill people…..I am not relationship material…..I finally open my eyes…….

“Hey sweetie…….you fell asleep…”

“how long was I asleep?” I asked yawning….

“close to an hour” she answered looking at her watch…….

“I am soo sorry….” I said as I sat up looked at Tina…… “I didn’t mean to push my past on you, then go to sleep…..”

“Relax….” she said as she leaned towards me…… “I want you to be able to open up to me…..I want you to be able to tell me anything….”

“and I want the same from you….” I said……

“Well, that may be a little hard with a memory that is gone……I will tell you what I can……”

“I want to help you get that memory back again…..I have said this over and over again…..I want you to live a normal life…..”

“What life is normal? I don’t think that life is normal at all….Noones life is……”

“At any rate, I am going to do some research on the subject, and I want you to atleast try to remember…”

“And as I said before, I don’t think I want to know my past….I got the shit beat out of me by my boyfriend…and he was the one that killed my mother in a drunkin accident…..what good will come out of remembering anything other than those 2 bad things?”

“The good always outweighs the bad..” I say with confidence…..Not so sure that I know what the hell I am talking about….the bad seems to be the easiest thing to remember, well, for myself it is……I have to do this, she has to remember……

TBC………