sleep came, eventually. Bette figured it wouldnt but it did. the bed felt wonderful and she needed rest before seeing Angelica,
whom she figured would come home in the morning. bette didnt realize that right now she was the epitome of a neglectful parent, emotionally
at least. it hadnt sunk in that tina would be losing her jaw, that her leg was going to be shortened, that months of chemo would come,
that transplants to be done. the pain the possibility of ….no Bette hadnt let it sunk in. she forced herself to solid ground where it was
safe. she shivered at her responsaiblities, work, angelica, her family would be looking toher for strength now. it was a test. it was  horrible.

 when Bette woke up, four hours later, she heard Angelica in the living room. it was 830 am no messages, doesnt matter Bette
intended on going to the hospital anyway. but Bette had  to speak to angie first. walking into the living room angelica turned around
and gaped at her, she was collecting CDS and Bette looked pale and horrible. “mummy what happened?” Angelica had come by the
house to get some music then leave for the mall with Shad who was waiting by the corner store. Bette mentally braced herself. “angie
we have to talk” taking Angelica’s hand both sat on the sofa. bette had her arms around angelica not wanting to let go. angelica wrapped
her arms around Bette too, she was worried and leaned into bette feeling the love and warmth. “i love you so much honey i love you” angelica
hugged tighter…”i love you too mummy” “i willl take care of you no matter what happens i will love you” it was a rare moment of connection.
mothers dreamed of this moment of intimacy with their daughters, and teenaged girls no matter how much ***** they gave often wished their
mothers would hug them more. pushing back angie Bette looked into her eyes….”angelica….mom is in surgery right now, she has a bad case of
cancer and will be in the hospital for a long time-” bette stopped talking…angie’s eyes had changed. they had turned from worry to…something
else. angelica at that moment went from loving her mummy to hating her….how could she make her feel so loved then drop a bomb that her
mom could die? angie’s  body hurt with the emotions that were purging through it. how could her mom have cancer? it  was impossible…this
couldnt be happening. things like this happened to other people. angie felt love surge for tin and hate for Bette…denial. she pushed Bette away
…feeling disgust and uncomfortable. “i hate you” she whispered softly. then it all came out…”you are the worst mom on the planet you make me
feel good then tell me suddenly my mom might die? are you blind cant you see im dying? i wish the girl i beat up was you you are so blind you
cant see anything i wish it was you who had cancer and not my REAL mom”
 
 there was a sharp crack as Bette slapped Angelica as hard as she could. her daughter bounced against the sofa, a bright patch
immediantly appearing on her face. angie sat back up and hit bette on the chest multiple times, weak with emotion. Bette raised her hands
up to protect herself then grabbed Angelica and pressed her to bette’s chest. no longer able to move under the strength of Bette’s arms angelica
sobbed…whispering she hated Bette. Bette whispered back she loved her she loved her…she was sorry. Angelica grasped onto Bette and cried into
her shoulder…each trying to get strength from the other.

 later that day angelica lay on Shad’s bed. his mother was out and they had the apartment to themselves. angie had not wanted to
go to the hospital with Bette, it was too much. but she was going to go later. Bette told her to stay home till Bette picked her up but Angie had
left as soon as Bette did. she met shad at the corner store, he quizzed her about the bruise but angie told him she got it from opening the door
on herself. shock had settled in and and angelica didnt remember walking to shad’s place, she just found herself on his bed while cleaned his room,
flustered at the messiness. he was so sweet, angie loved him. suddenly she sat up, numb from everything she wanted despertely to feel…to feel
something…she called out to Shad…he came over and she whisped in his ear to have ***** with her. angelica would never do this if she was normal, she was
not normal right now…she felt she had lost tina already and needed something. she knew about ***** what teenager didnt? after asking her if it was all right
a hundred times he kissed her. it was like the pot, angie knew she shouldnt but did it anyway. nothing seemed to matter…not benson…not suspension…
not herself. when they were naked she loved the warmth of his skin….it touched her through the numbness. but what brought her back to reality was when
he readied himself…then thrust into  her. it was like the final blow. she felt something she felt pain. Angelica was floundering. Angelica clung to shad’s shoulders
as tears squeezed out. Her family was in a state where all were desperate for any kind of connection, what they needed was each other.
but that was something all families had a hard time doing, some never did that. the world was a very scary place for all them, the future was uncertain. and
all they really had was each other.