That night Bette spent the hours cursing herself. How could she be so stupid? Tina would be so angry with her, with her parenting. Bette was older now, she was almost 51 for
god’s sake, can’t she take care of Angie? She took care of her physically, but Bette couldn’t understand why it was so hard to do what she knew was right, what was right for Angelica.
Helpless, that’s what Bette felt like. Lying in bed, the light’s out the night darkening the sky outside. The bed seemed a little too big. She lay there under a thick quilt that cooled and
warmed her at the same time. By now Bette slept in the middle of the bed, she no longer slept on what was her side of the bed. She felt like a “king” there, huge bed sleeping right
in the middle. She twiddled her thumbs thinking, she should analyze the situation. Angelica. Her daughter says she is in love, ok, with “Lee”. Bette would have to find out more about
her, maybe she’ll go tommorrow and talk to the teacher. Maybe not. Right….Angelica didn’t fool Bette…of course she was turned on by Lee, that was a part of attraction. What to do
about that? ummmm….Bette didn’t know. she would deal with that later, maybe look up online what it says about talking to daughters about ***** and stuff. And what else? Bette had
felt something else from Angelica, she didn’t say that much and both of them were kinda quiet driving home. And what about what Helena said? Bette would have to subtely hint
to Angelica about hte past break-up and triangle, not let it on that Bette knew that Angelica knew. God how come it feels hard!!??  Bette felt like a loser. She could handle everything
except her own daughter. In everything else Bette was a shark, she could handle people, she was efficient, she got respect….she was successful and knew exactly what to do. But now
facing the rest of her life without Tina she felt incapable of talking properly with her own child. Why was that? Bette threw her fist downward onto the bed, there was a soft “plomp” and
a depression appeared on the blanket, when Bette moved it came back up again. That was it. Angelica and her were in a depression right now, if things were done right they could
get out of the depression and bounce back to normal. It was all really tiring. All of it. Bette was getting older and these emotions were doing their toll on her. But there were some
things that she knew for sure. Bette knew that she loved Angelica. that love ran deep into every vein every artery every tissue in her body. It was the kind of love that would make her not
think twice in sacrificing herself for her daughter. There was nothing on the earth that compared to a a parent’s love for a child. It was different than love for a partner, cuz there were
many kinds of love. Bette knew she missed Tina, missed her so much the world seemed to ache. But she was not coming back, Bette would live and that would be her task. To learn to
live without her beloved. Theses two things Bette knew. And she knew there were problems to go with them. She was analysing them right now, lying in her bed feeling helpless and
stupid cuz she didn’t know why.