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This is My Family…Chapter 44
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Problem number one: Bette could not communicate with her daughter. Solution: Find a therapist, a mediator. Problem number two: Tina’s death and how it affected both
of them. Solution: Bette had no ***** clue. It felt like her lover’s death affected everything, and it did. You see Bette had never imagined life without T, it hadn’t crossed her mind at any
time. T was simply there, she was there to stay. And now Bette regretted so many things including that…the expectation that good things lasted forever. That Tina would last forever.And
now that she was left feeling so alone, without a partner…only half a team…Bette felt helpless. Helpless in the face of her daughter’s feelings confusion and concealment, and her own
problems. Yes Bette had problems…Tina’s death was horrible and sad but Bette knew she would live, she would continue to live however way she can. But Bette could sense problems
arising from that simple survival instinct, that will to continue on living without T. For one Bette didn’t want to grow in an eighty year old grandma and not have a partner, a companion. But
Bette couldn’t imagine herself ever even letting a person kiss her again, her flesh felt like it had a spell over it forbidding Bette to touch or be touched by another again, and she hated it. She
didn’t want to feel untouchable, she wanted to be with someone eventually. But somehow it felt impossible. Bette also felt like trust would be hard to come by. Trusting another, even
her own daughter seemed hard, sometimes impossible. It felt like there was always an alterior motive, something unexpected. That was it. Unexpected things. Bette hated that now,
hated that with a vengeance. Tina’s death was unexpected, Bette never got to say goodbye never had closure…in fact Bette was thinking of the future…of how when Tina got her full
strength back they should go on vacation when Angelica came bursting into the room and yelling Tina needed Bette. Now it was like Bette looked around every corner fearful
of the unexpected. Angelica saying she was in love was unexpected, maybe that was why Bette reacted so. Maybe that was it. Jesus Christ ***** ***** damn…..this was so tiring. Thinking
about it was so ***** tiring. The ceiling still looked cracked, the colour fading. Bette lay on that huge bed looking at it and thought……i’m going to paint that ceiling. Im going to paint
that ceiling till it looks spanking new. And while Bette was going to do that job. She was going to re-paint what was left of her life, and her family. Bette pulled the blankets up farther
on her body and snuggled up to a pillow for warmth. And strength. God knew she was going to need it.
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Excellent as always. Thank you for this story.
It’s good to see bette starting to think about what she needs to get her and angie talking.
I, too, agree that it would be a lonely rest of Bette’s life for her to lead with out a companion or partner, but I can’t stand the thoughts of bette being with someone else. It’s like if she were to ever give her love to someone else then it would make me question what made the love between her and tina so special. I would like to think of them as having a love like no other….the kind of love that we all search for. But for her to be with someone else giving her love to them would somehow take something away from the love she shared with tina. Like short-change it or test it’s worth.
Every chapter is just so good. Bette has made her mind up to go to a therapist. I can’t wait until she tells Angelica about that! How will Bette herself do? It’s also true that Bette might feel that she is in a way being “unfaithful” to Tina for thinking that she doesn’t want to be alone.
At least she is begining to think of the future.
TERRIFIC CHAPTER..PLEASE POST SOON….THANKS
Cass,
This is a candid and direct exposure of grief. Thank you so much for trusting all your readers with this truth. Dealing with this loss is overpowering and takes time, support and guidance to get through. Sometimes it is from family members, sometimes from friends, sometimes from strangers, sometimes from therapy and counseling and always from finding that internal strength within yourself. We all need to grieve after such tragedy but then we need to find that something to pull us through the darkest of despair into the light.
Bette is turning this corner and sees that Angelica is struggling with her sexuality and sorrow. Hopefully they will communicate and help each other in to the daylight.
Can’t wait for your next post so that I can savour this amazing story.
Your Loyal Fan.
I really love this story though it has been so terribly sad. Sad is a part of life sometimes and I am interested in how you help Bette heal.
Help her now!!!!!!!!!! i can’t take it!!!!!!!!
First thoughts about the future, that’s great…
The biggest fight is against this eternal feeling of betrayal for the one who survived.
Excellent as always.