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Tina — Plan B; pt. 34
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I never again want a night like last night.
First, I don’t know what’s gotten into Jess lately. I hoped this wasn’t some preview of the next five years. That would be unacceptable, at the least.
Second, Bette. So many issues with Bette. She kissed me. I returned her kiss. It was really, really nice. But was I falling back into the old pattern of letting her control everything?
Perhaps that was my greatest fear. Feeling the life that I’d built here for Jess and me slipping away as I was again subsumed into Bette’s life. Only this time it wouldn’t be just me that becomes a minor satellite in the Bette Porter universe, it’d be Jess, too. I can make that choice for myself, but is this fair to do to Jess?
And then there’s what I said to Bette. Not only did I insult her, but I insulted her father.
Why did I do that? Sure, I was angry, but did I have to have such a strong reaction. It’s been Jess and me for so long, I guess I’m not ready for that relationship to change.
But it is changing. Constantly. And lately, at high speed.
Now it’s not just Jess and me. Boys have entered the picture.
Boys.
It’s karma.
Not that I wanted Jess to be *****. I want her to be whatever is right for her, as long as she’s safe. As far as society has changed, her life will be easier in many ways if she remains on the heterosexual side of the fence. But if she were *****, at least I’d know that when she went out, there would be people I know who’d look after her.
Instead, she’s entered the big heterosexual world, alone.
Why did she have to grow up? And when did that happen?
I’m not sure that I gave her permission.
What I really hope is that I gave her the skills to survive. She showed incredibly poor judgment, from what she’s told me, climbing into a car with a boy when both had been drinking.
I didn’t even want to consider what she hadn’t told me. I remembered my days with boys at parties. That thought alone was enough to make me want to wrap her in bubble wrap and hide her away for the next few years.
Away from boys like Jake.
Damn. I still have that boy’s car keys. I noticed that Bette left them on the table.
Bette. Back to Bette.
She’s still trying. We haven’t scared her away. Not yet, anyway. Although I wonder if I’ve tried to drive her off. I know Jess’s current feelings, although I feel she’s been far more motivated by her fear of change than of any real feelings towards Bette.
Bette’s still here. Why? It certainly can’t be just for Jess and me. That’s too inefficient. She had to be planning something, but she’d not yet shared what that grand scheme might be.
And I guess I’m curious. About many things related to Bette.
She’d mentioned having lunch tomorrow with Alice and Shane, plus Jess and me. I wondered if that offer remained open.
After all, I commanded her to leave last night. What’s surprising is that I think she did. These were small things, but I could see that she is making an effort.
In retrospect, on the lunch offer, I think I’d like to go. That means Jess is going because her opportunities to remain home alone are going to be severely curtailed in the near term. Perhaps until she’s thirty or so.
The fact that Bette could still make me so angry does speak to the fact that feelings remain. But I didn’t need that example to know this. I knew quite well that I still have strong feelings for one Bette Porter, as Jess refers to her.
I suppose that’s my fear. The depth of what I still feel for Bette.
And not that I fear us coming together. That wouldn’t be easy, but I could see it happening. I still fear what would happen to us if we were unable to remain together.
How would that affect Jess, on top of everything else.
The last time, I had Jess. She was an infant. I wasn’t able to let myself fall apart. If I had and lost Bette again, well, I didn’t want to consider what that might mean.
I hope she realized that I was completely out of my head with worry last night.
But I don’t know that I want a direct rejection, just in case. Perhaps I could have Alice give her a call about lunch, let her know that I’m – that we’re – still willing.
It’d be a chickenshit maneuver, but some days, I just can’t face the thought of rejection.
It was after nine. Not the best time to call Alice, but I wasn’t sure there was ever a good time when it came to mornings and Alice. Feeling brave, at least about disturbing Alice, I gave her a call.
“Al? It’s Tina.”
“You know it’s the crack of dawn, right?”
With a teenager, I’m used to the morning grumpies. “Al, it’s mid-morning.”
“Oh. So, do you have big news to report from your date last night, at least?”
Date? If that was a date, my dating life had gone greatly downhill. “I can’t say it was exceptional.”
“That good, huh?” Alice was always one to pick up on the meaning of a statement.
“Basically.”
“So, where does that leave you and Porter?”
Wasn’t that always the question? “Look, Al, Jess pulled another stunt last night, and I’m afraid that Bette caught a bit of my frustration.”
“Oh, so it’s like you’re married again.”
Then again, sometimes Alice was a little too flippant.
“Before the end of dinner, Bette had mentioned that we might have lunch today.”
“Ok” Understandable that she didn’t see her part in all of this, yet.
“And she wanted you and Shane to come, also. Frank, too, if he’s interested.”
“You know how much he loves the estrogen fests.”
“Anyway, I was hoping you could call Bette. Kind of let her know that, you know, I’d like that.”
“So, you want me to pass her a note after class that you think she’s cute?”
And I rail on Jess, at times, for her immaturity. “In a nutshell, yes.”
“Oh, goodie. It’s like playing telephone.”
“Thanks, Al. Let me know what she says.”
“I’m sure she’ll love to hear from me.” I can almost hear the beaming through the phone. I have to wonder what’s up with that.
Alice and I finished up with a few pleasantries. Now, for a task I was both anticipating and dreading.
It was time to wake the beast.
(tbc)
(P.S. – Anyone else feeling just slightly annoyed with the server tonight?)
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WOW I love the story even tho the server here is messing up and it took me forever to finish. Pseud Your story is great and I comppletely understand it. AND love it.
I love this story :) Thank you for writing it!
Words cannot convey how much I am loving this story and your pace and voices. I can’t say waiting for each installment isn’t tough but I want you to have the time to write what feels right to you. This is awesome and you are my favorite favorite right now.
Annoyed does not hardly describe my feelings about the server tonight. This was a great update! Hopefully, you will post again very soon!
I love how you know each character so well. You are an amazing writer!
“Slightly annoyed,” is the understatement of a lifetyme. Then again it could have been worst — if the server was down, I wouldn’t have been able to read your great post. Hopefully reading the next chapter will be easier. If not I’m sure “I’ll climb every mountain, cross any ocean, put up with any “wrong story id message,” and ignore every “cannot connect to the database” error just to get my daily fix of fan fic.
Server driving me crazy ! But your story is worthy of the challenge ! Love it – Thank you !
I am not one to bitch, whine and complain about the server going bonkers and the annoying page breaks…BUT — resourceful and self-reliant as I am, I tried restarting my Firefox browser (didn’t work), switched to Netscape (same crap from a different hole), switched to IE (the horror of all browsers! Ditto), and finally, restarted my PC.
Same.
Ergo, the long-winded bitching, whining and complaining.
Inspite of it all, I love your fic. Please keep on writing.
You deserve the incredible number of readers you are attracting. Fabulous story, well-executed and fully believable. I’m sold!
uh- i’d really like to say that i completed your chapter, but alas, that would be a lie. i got through page 1 and 2 and then the trouble began. i was finally (after multiple attempts) able to get back to you, but now, can’t get to the last page.
not that Pseud is making these changes to the website (sorry- i think that your story is taking the brunt of my frustrations), but this whole page break thing is a HUGE mistake. i have high speed cable and outside of all of the errors that you get, waiting for a page to load is a total detriment to the flow of the story. i find myself wondering what was just happening when the next page loads cause it takes so long. not only that, but the breaks are incredibly untimely and not as an author would intend.
i hope this new “feature” will not be around for long. for me at least, i have neither the patience nor the time to wait around for each page to work out it’s errors and down loading speed.
sorry for the rant Pseud- your story is one that i have been following and the fact that i was unable to finish it is extremely frustrating.
awesome job on the first 2 pages though…
As always love the story. Finding the server very annoying – also, not in love with the new “pages” concept.
Yeah, am a little annoyed but being a slightly a computer geek, I understand what happeniing. Can’t wait to see how the relationship between Jess and Bette Progress. Good Job.
As usual your updates are worth the wait. As for the server, I won’t even go there, its been like that since mid afternoon. But glad to end the evening with your latest. Keep it up
Pseud, don’t feel like you are not writing your story well. Part of a good story is that it’s not cookie cutter tidy. I for one, enjoy trying to figure out the what’s and why’s of the characters as well as guessing where you are taking us. Keep on doing what you’re doing!
I liked hearing Tina’s inner turmoil. She is afraid and the drama just added to her anxiety level. She still have very deep feelings for Bette. I think Alice will be a great tool to get Bette to understand that…maybe even help in getting the two of them back to some level of comfort with each other. Have Alice talk to Jess as well, that’ll straighten that girl up!
As for the server…grrrrrrrrrrrr!! I too, do not like the new format and hope that the multiple page layout disappears, just like Jimmy Hoffa.
What’s up and who has a say in where the page should be cut off? In the middle of a sentence?? NOT. This “new feature” has got to go! Invalid page indeed.
Sorry Pseud, just had to get that out. Rant over.
The story is wonderful Pseud, no need for explanations. I’m looking forward to lunch!
firt of all..i hate that new system page of the site awfull..and second i love your story but i have to say if i was Bette i ll never accept go to dinner at least Tina was the the one to call her and say sorry..great chapter post real soon ;-)
now see i left a comment on this story yesterday but it never showed up…i also hate this new format…
Pseud… i am enjoying your story…having 5 kids i know what tina is going through…ok the first 4 are boys and my daughter is only 9… but tina needs to talk to jess and jess needs to talk to tina… and then bette needs to also add her 2 cents… but baby its your story and i will keep reading what you write… because i have a feeling in the end they will all be together.. so we wait…and please continue
more pleeeeeeeeeeeze!
:-)
Hey that was so dead on with Tina and her passive agressive behavior. Nice and now I’m waiting for the Bette/Alice phone call that should be interesting. Thanks for telling
It only took 20 something hours to actually read the whole chapter. Awesome as usual. Very frustrated with page breaks !!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes to the server comment. I’m so glad Tina realizes her reaction to Bette was fueled by her fear/upset at the situation with Jess. Please keep writing.
great story! And yes, the server is annoying to say the least!
Love it.
Thank you.
how many times can I say I love this story? One more time! the different perspectives are the greatest, really, the way you give distinct voices to each person is just great. Please keep going with this. I can’t wait to read what’s next!
great chap love, im loving how u potray b & t , very different and not as the same as other pll’s stories , and yes this server is an pain in my ass who thought of this, let me find them so i can slap them, it eeds to be left alone, all vote for the server to change back show a hand : )!!!!
I need a fix!!!!!!
Good chapter!