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Touch Tones: Radar Love #9
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Well, almost certainly in this scenario I never made it to LA, so no Tina. And that thought depresses me. But wait a fucking second! If I’m in WitSec with my mother then there’s no Bette Porter. Because Bette Porter has disappeared.
I swallow hard and taste the dry panic in my mouth. I don’t ever recall wanting a drink quite so early in the morning, and I need to be very careful about what I wish for.
I rub my face and try to crawl down from the ledge and back into the sheets where it should feel safe but doesn’t. Other paths, alternative destinies, different fates. These words feel perilous to me and impossibly hard to define, and I’m not sure I really want to anymore.
After Tina had left me the second fucking time I’d tried to make sense of things. Hours I’d spent staring at the reflections in my pool, drinking old Scotch, and wondering why the woman I loved had left me?
In this tortured reverie I was a beautifully tragic vision of my self pity. Broken but incredibly talented with a sly charismatic look that could net anyone for awhile, yet I remained incurable and fatally flawed. And the more Scotch I drank on those nights the more my outcomes never changed, and I’d fall into bed pissed off and usually alone. Unless I wasn’t.
That would the same bed Tina had insisted two weeks ago I throw out to further perpetuate our ruse with Jenny when the truth was for both of us – it was an important symbol of our starting over.
I look away from the ceiling and out through the windows and think of soft new mattresses and then the rough prickly landscapes of snakes and cactus plants that thrive outside my mother’s home.
Everything is different here and it all started with these boots. I swing them out from under the covers and knock them together a few times and wonder which do I prefer? Long leather sheaths of protection from this unpredictable environment, or my expertly tailored power suits that do the same things in a very different setting? And what could possibly be next?
Then an answer springs forth. I’m definitely wearing these to faculty meetings. One look at me striding in with these on will definitely snap the infuriating and willowy-spined art professors in my department into submission, and then, uncontested my plans for the new building and my department can definitely unfold!
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Nice to have Season 7 back BB!
Looks like some good new characters coming on the scene.
Great pictures as usual and really nice to ‘see’ our girls as well as imagine.
Look forward to the next Chapter.
BB…..another great post from my fav storyteller!…you’ve been missed missy!…I see new characters in the horizon, I like that…and the pics…astounding as usual!….Boom!…thx for your great stories keep’em coming…btw where’s Command?…been missing those agents,their missions and their loving!…Kabam!….keep up your great work my friend…luvya forever!…xxo
A very good and interesting story, and offcourse the pictures are amazing.
Wow, talk about a bomb, Bette has a brother!
I really love your season 7.
And like kingg, what happened with command? Would love to see a update.
I love this story, thanks for updating
Lovely 7 season.
Bette has a brother and when she
will meet him? that’s interesting.
10 Stars.
I enjoyed this comment sent to me, too.
Marianne wrote:
Thank you, your writing is absolutely amazing. I love the internal dialog in their heads, I love the relationship between Bette & Tina as well as the relationships they have with the other characters. You are not reading the story of their lives you are in it with them. When I see an update from you I set time aside to spend with them, thank you so much for keeping these friends alive and well.
This was nice from my Twitter feed: Galina wrote: Definitely your story is super talented. I <3! Yep, Great reading and lots of pleasure. TY !!
&
(Now, between us here on LesFan, I don’t see any possible connection and can’t imagine it, but she did and I’ve thought about it for an hour and still don’t see it, but it was an interesting comment.)
S. Y. Robinson @shaggy56 18h18 hours ago
@Blackbird_write Read ALL(or most) of your stories while on vaca last week. It’s like travel’g the world thru your storyline, settings & MOOD!
From Twitter Feed: CJ~ @CKquon4 5h hours ago
@Blackbird_write Wow! I really enjoyed where I went when reading this…you balanced Bette’s angst & excitement superbly
Really enjoying this BB! Love the illustrations and interesting twist on Bette having a brother!..Can’t wait for your next update!
Just stopping by to say thank you for an incredibly written chapter. Bette experienced such a huge evolutionary step as she processed all that had happened to her in the recent past. She stepped in front of the mirror and saw her truth for the first time as an adult. She accepted her faults and frailties and became so much strong within herself. I feel she now knows she perfectly imperfect and that’s quite alright.
The most important aspect of her life in this moment is that she has all she ever truly wanted, her own family. She has Tina and Angie back as well as her mom. After 30 years of being diligent and relentless in her search, her mother has reentered her life. How wonderful is that? But she now has this vigilant and relentless seeker that she’s created and now wonders how to let it go. It does explain certain behaviors she’s created, like serving Tina coffee in bed first thing in the morning.
I love her reflective time as she hangs up on the ceiling where she does her best thinking. Her life has changed drastically since arriving in Santa Fe and meeting up with both Mary’s. In asking the question of ‘what if..’ she’d been able to grow up with her mother instead of her father… it sounds good at first but them as the thoughts proceed, she suddenly realizes that Bette Porter wouldn’t exist and in that she wouldn’t have Tina in her life. Hmm, perhaps there’s more to life than we realize as she knows that her connection to Tina is much more than they ever imagined. This is where I love the spiritual aspect of the story. Our journeys, no matter how many strange turns of events we experience, may have an route and destination that we don’t realize they have, if we stay asleep.
She has wondered why all the women she loved left her… Maybe in the spiritual aspect of our lives, there’s a time and a place for everything. Maybe her and Tina each had to reach a level of realization, maturity and authenticity to be able to truly connect and have that amazingly strong loving and spiritual connection. She honestly looks at herself in that moment and knows herself like she has never accepted herself before. She can now be honest and it serves to strengthen her.
Her new boots are a sign of her coming of age and they give her a new sense of self and power. They represent so much in her self realization since arriving in Santa Fe. She’s a new Bette Porter and looks at her life differently. Or is she? She has many ghosts to deal with when returning to LA.
Her next ‘what if…’ is the Coming Out Party at Phyllis’ and what happened with her and Tina in meeting up again. What if those steps in reconnecting with Tina hadn’t occurred? Thank God they did!
What’s fun about Tina is that she knows her Bette so well and knows where she does her best thinking, up at the ceiling and she often knows the subject matter as well. Ah yes, the lovemaking and its beginnings of love talk and then it hits them…. bacon!! Bette takes care of both! What a hilarious moment!!
Breakfast conversation… first, church… Bette is stopped in her tracks and Tina picks up the slack and agrees that they’ll attend and then so nonchalantly, Bette learns she has a brother and then off to church they go with Bette’s jaw still dragging on the floor.
At church, Tina grounds a bewildered Bette as they light the candle for their lost son and regroup. Tina is so good about knowing the words to assist Bette,
”It was a soft bomb, Bette. No doubt about it. But I don’t think your mother has had much practice telling her secrets. She hasn’t been allowed to, don’t forget.” remember that Bette.
This was a poignant moment as well: ”Which candle should we light for the baby, Bette?”
”The one that has the answers.” As Bette moves thru her day, it only brings up more questions….
There’s a good connection forming between Mary Windhorse and Tina as they both work to heal an open wound. In her way of being, Mary assists Tina in being honest with herself and guides her to understand that with big changes happening with Bette, there will also be the eruption of past hurts that are ready to be healed. I think Mary and Tina will be there for each other for healing. Tina needs to in order for her relationship to move forward in a healthy fashion. Unfortunately, Tina doesn’t need this healing stuff to be happening at this moment with all she has on her plate. Tina knows that she can trust Mary to assist her and a sweat lodge is suggested. They both recognize that they are now family and it offers comfort to Tina.
Gosh. so verbose again!! Sorry, but I loved this chapter and the emotional and spiritual growth that Bette achieved which I think will add to her strength that she’ll need in returning back to LA, as will Tina.
Thanks again for an amazing chapter!
This is frustrating! I just posted a good reply to you Blackbird and it disappeared into cyberspace. I don’t have time to rewrite in now so I will later. Poo!
I didn’t see that brother coming; that’s a nice twist. As each chapter builds and as Bette feels so wonderful being reunited with her mom, I am anticipating that “other shoe to fall,” and suspect Maxine may be…well, you know :) Or maybe not. She is a tough old broad after all.
Nice comment from a reader in Canada who emailed me.
Lillian BB
Bette’s mom’s story was written to perfection. Now a brother & an old friend of Bette’s on the scene. Also a wedding to plan for…as usual you have me spellbound…
Most of my thoughts to the ‘out of L.A.’ chapters have all been said before by others who enjoy your stories, so, yes! exactly! to all the above ;) I like the change of scene to Santa Fe. It’s nice to have them someplace else. Now I’ll always have a picture in my mind with Bette in bed with those boots!
I hope that Tina finally found in Mary W. the right person to fight her childhood demons, she so deserves to overcome that trauma.
Thanks for sharing Bette’s thoughts when she ‘spends time’ at the ceiling. I love those insights, from Bette and from Tina. I like how you use a mixture of dialogue, narrative perspective and character’s perspektive to your story telling.
Okay, I’m off now to read the next chapters. It has its advantages to start late into a story ;)