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    #10 Touch Tones: Alice Surmises

    Story written on January 21, 2015 by Blackbird.
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    11 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 511 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (11 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 13
    Words: 4994
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=88117
    Author Notes:

    The Planet – Monday morning – Alice When I look up from the Alice in Lesbo Land blog post I’m struggling to finish before nine I notice how surprised I am to see Bette and Tina walking through the doorway of The Planet on their way in for breakfast. This scene, on the one hand

    Bette Tina with Alice

    The Planet – Monday morning – Alice

    When I look up from the Alice in Lesbo Land blog post I’m struggling to finish before nine I notice how surprised I am to see Bette and Tina walking through the doorway of The Planet on their way in for breakfast. This scene, on the one hand so familiar, and before the unpredictability of their Big Wars years, had happened like clockwork every Monday morning – usually on the nose of 8 am – today feels unusual.

    It’s sad but true how their break up and ensuing battles decimated my morning coffee routine, and our poker night ”set your watch to it” rituals. And that their ”divorce” tore into everything I’d mistakenly thought of as ”always and forever”.  I had guilelessly trusted Bette and Tina with the things that were the most important. The fucking wishes I had had. The ones I didn’t even know lived in my dreams – that we could be in love with each other for our whole lives, wear great shoes, and look fabulous doing it.

    Add to that it was happening in LA. My hometown! Where I grew up too nervous, and bad at sports, and until I learned how to bang on a guitar I was THE terribly weird looking nerd-girl with glasses. So, yeah I resent that I’m an untreated co-dependent mess, and that their dynamite blew away so many special things for me. Didn’t they think for a minute what the fuck they were doing? To any of us, and to all of us?

    For Shane though it was the holidays that left her the saddest. Without all of us seated around a long table, and the predictability that something would always burn up and catch on fire in Bette’s kitchen during Christmas dinner were especially hard on her.

    But remarkably, as if back from Lourdes, or in a more exact geographical match: Santa Fe, yet, here they are, as if DEFCON 2 had never happened, and striding in like Lesbian versions of Lazarus fresh out of relationship triage.

    I have to admit it: I’m cautiously optimistic about their chances.

    After all two words: New Mexico, and another two: Lez Girls, and throw in that it was a trip I still know zero about, but more to the point: There’s nothing like the ongoing production of a movie written by a nutcase, and veiled in its depiction of your regurgitated love life that a weekend away might lead to something meaty, but poisoned that they could stew over while hiking around some godforsaken canyon.

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    Comments

    3. So many great lines…mixing up anxiety and depression pills…the Winnebago…the hoedown. ..can’t wait to read that episode. Alice…so funny. I identified with her most…not so pretty, a little nerdy as she described herself, and a bit needy. But god she had some of the best lines and facial expressions, didn’t she?

      And this “not a beginner’s starter kit”…oh jeez that made me snort!!

      Wonderful update as I’ve always come to expect from you. I hope your holiday was pleasant and restful. Welcome back!

    5. I liked the beginners’ starter kit too! But this was epic: “After all, to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion, and they’d love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, and laugh at her wit and sophisticated sarcasm.”
      Thanx for coming back to us ! And, yes we missed you !

    6. Here’s a comment I got via email –

      Lillian wrote: “Comment: Where do I begin…everything about this storyline was appealing.
      I can feel for Alice; she is beginning to feel out of the loop. Love how Alice covers her back by
      having the plan to use Jenny as her scape goat is need be.
      Cute…Tasha’s a #Republican…She’s going to earnestly #FuckMeOver…(good thinking of placing this in)
      Funny, but true..Shane is not a beginner’s Starter Kit…Bette would know that for sure.
      If someone has a crush on a person…she isn’t going to take advice…law of nature.
      The best part for me is: “After all to most everyone Bette Porter is kind of a legion,
      & they love to be her friend, swim in her pool, get drunk on her sex appeal, laugh at her
      wit & sophisticated sarcasm…who does this remind you of: Jennifer Beals and her
      fans adoration…yes, I am in that fan club…
      Anxiously awaiting for the continuation….”

    7. ” she’s like a masterful or very lucky sailor who’s managed to swing her bow back around, and once again, skillfully catch her sails with the wind.”…….love it …..as well as the other”epic lines” Ben Mac referenced…must be quite a drag for Bette &Tina to live in the fish bowl that is West Hollywood …..can’t wait for Alice to meet Bette’s mom…oh what “wit and sophisticated sarcasm “there will be…thanks BB!

    8. So many bits of snappy dialogue and insight in this installment SHOULD be “lingering” in my mind, and yet the one that is? “Lingering like a far in an elevator.” What am I, twelve?

    10. I love that you all have pulled little zings of dialogue out -the lines that were memorable to you and that you felt something reading. I do love everyone of the lines you’ve brought up, so far, especially the one about Bette being a masterful or very lucky sailor and somehow catching her sails once again with the wind. I felt the energy of that line when I wrote it.

      Another favorite of mine, that still makes me laugh when I read it is, the description of Bette that Alice coalesces when she says that women are holding out hope that Bette may once again lose her mind and her morals and “lie once against amongst the lesbian proletariat.”

      That tickled me when Alice brought that up. It was just another in a long list of Bette’s “ooops, and fuck ups” that have had such unintended consequences for her and everyone else.

      So! Hey Everybody! Thanks so much for reading and letting me know you are enjoying the tale, and Season 7 as I’m spooling it out for your enjoyment.

      Blackbird

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