I was so happy that she was finally awake. I couldn’t help it, my tears fell again and she noticed of course. She looked concerned which is quiet funny, cause I’m the one who should be concerned. She told me that she had a dream about her being dead and she also saw Dana. Thank God, it was only a dream. I told her what happened and then she thanked me for being there for her. The way that she looked at me…It was so intense. I know there was something she wanted to tell me but we were interrupted.

Alice, Kit, Bette, Helena, Tina and Jenny came in. A couple minutes later this blonde girl came in. I felt like somebody stabbed me with a dagger. It was the same girl I saw Shane with at the Planet when I came back. Does that mean that Shane has a new girlfriend? Of course it’s her new girlfriend, otherwise she wouldn’t have found out about Shane’s accident because Shane would never have given her their phone number or anything else. I couldn’t bare the situation anymore so I left.

At home my mum kept asking me where I was and what happened. I forgot to give her a call to tell her where I was. I told her that I was sorry that she had to worry about me, but nothing happened to me so she didn’t have to worry anymore. I didn’t want to tell her what happened because I know she wouldn’t like the fact that I keep seeing Shane. I didn’t tell her. After the non-wedding she told me that she would never let anybody hurt me again like Shane did. She kept telling me how bad Shane is and that she should’ve known and that she should have protected me from Shane, but I think that mum knows that Shane isn’t bad. In reality she loved Shane. And the fact that Shane broke my heart disappointed and hurt her, too.

The pictures of the accident, the hospital, Shane and her new girlfriend kept spinning in my head. I hate to admit it but her girlfriend seems to be very nice.

But why did Shane almost sleep with me at WAX? How could she cheat on her girlfriend. I shouldn’t care about it, because I am not the person she was going to cheat on. But I did care. I did bother me. I always thought that during our relationship Shane changed at least a bit. I thought she learned her lesson concerning monogamy, but I guess I was wrong. Once again I realize that Shane is who she is. Nevertheless I keep asking myself : “Do I love a Shane who doesn’t really exist?”