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    Turning the Handle, Part 3

    _________

    “Out and Proud does not sell cars.” Slam.

    “You can be a lez when you retire.” Urgh.

    “I need you to take at least some steps towards being out.” Blop.

    “You are so *****.” “So *****.” Whiff.

    Whiff? Dana stared down at her racket. Jeez. She hadn’t whiffed a ball in years.

    Inhale. Exhale. She bounced the racket against her hand and walked towards her bag. She plopped herself onto the bench and buried her head in the towel. Her arms ached and feet throbbed, but the voices in her head still taunted her. Harrison, Conrad, Lara, Alice and the gang. Everyone appeared to have at least one opinion on her life and what she had to do, but not a single one of them lived it. They had no idea what it was like to be her.

    Focus – Dana – focus. She was at home on this court, with her racket. She knew what to do and how to make it happen. Step off the court and the world came crashing in.

    With a quick drink of water, she re-took the half court. The voices would quiet if only she practiced harder, longer. She volleyed with herself for another hour. Sweat pouring from her body, she smiled a weak smile. At last, they were quiet – at least for now.

    _________


    As Dana stepped from the shower – her phone was ringing. “Just a minute, just a minute.” she said to absolutely no one. Checking caller ID – it was Lara. After the long work-out, she still had no answers, there would be time for that later.

    “Hey.” Dana answered as she picked of the phone.

    Hey, babe. You sound out of breath – did I catch you at a bad time?

    No, was just getting out of the shower.

    hmmm, really. Thats sounds intriguing.

    Dana swallowed audibly. Lara always knew what to say to get the blush to creep up her body.

    Lara laughed About tonight, I am going to be running a bit late – some last minute hoopla for a thing here. Can I meet you at Archive and then well head to the party?

    Sure, I have to meet with Conrad to sign some things before the shoot tomorrow and then Ill meet you at the restaurant.

    You are so unbelievably hot Dana, I cant wait to touch you tonight.

    Dana exhaled with an audible whimper. o..k. see ya tonight.

    Until then.


    _____________________________

    Dammit, Shane – how long has she been like this? Alice inquired rapidly Do we have any idea what happened? Should we call Bette and Tina.?

    Relax -man. One at a time. I already called Bette and Tina, left a message. Best guess – something to do with her woman. And got here about 10 minutes ago, so at least that long, but probably longer.

    Ok, ok- think Alice think – ahhh, ***** it, lets go get her.

    Dana sat, eyes open, but not moving, at the back of the planet – catatonic. Not seeing or hearing anything or anyone around her.

    Dana, honey – whats going on? Alice made a move to touch Danas arm, but Dana recoiled.

    Dont touch me, please dont touch me. Tears streaming down her face, Dana began to rock slightly in her chair.

    ok, relax. With a sideways glance, Alice implored Shane to do something – anything.

    Now, Dane, if we can hold your head while you puke over the side of the boat, I think we might be able to help here. Shane peered back to Alice who nods her approval.

    Dana reached slowly into her bag and pulled out the magazine. She opened it to the Subaru ad and laid it out on the table.

    Alice and Shane leapt for the magazine. They read – Get Out, Stay Out. and both grinned – their girl was coming out. But wait, then what was the problem?

    Dana – you look awesome – you have a sponsor backing you and who you are, you should be running through the streets shouting Hoorah – not sitting here moping around crying in your – uh – tea? What the ***** is going on here? Alice touched Dana again and this time, Dana let it happen.

    I blew it with Lara. I am out – or at least will be, but I blew it with her first. Dana sobbed.

    Shane rubbed Danas other arm. Tell us exactly what happened and when.

    Dana looked up at Shane and Alice – wrung her hands – took a deep breath and began to stammer through the whole sordid tale.

    I, uh, had left Conrads office to meet Lara before the party. He had me really worked up about some superstar BS and a lifestyle clause.

    Prick. Alice murmered. Dana rolled her eyes at Alice, but nodded as she motioned for Dana to continue.

    Anyway – I met Lara at Archive – she started to kiss me, normal stuff, but people seemed to be staring at me. I freaked out. Told Lara to stop. She looked confused, but I just kept going. Told her that I just couldnt do this and that I didnt want to be with her. Then I just left. Dana tapped her forehead, wiped her eyes and looked up at her friends. Turns out that Subaru doesnt care that I am ***** – but the person I want to share this with probably wont speak to me – ever again.

    Have you tried to call her? Alice asked.

    Well, no.

    You dork – why are you sitting here by yourself, go get your woman – at least try. Shane motioned for Alice to take it easy.

    But what if she wont see me, talk to me?

    Then she wont, but youll never know sitting here by yourself crying. You have to try.

    What do I do?

    Alice blew out an impatient breath – bring her the magazine, some flowers, beg and then tell her what happened. You can do it.

    Dana nodded and the three of them came together in a quick embrace. Dana picked up her bag and left the Planet, mentally preparing for a conversation with Lara.

    _______



    Dana sat in her car outside of Laras apartment, strumming her fingers on the steering wheel and talking to herself. Laras car was there and a light was on in the apartment so at least she was home. Dana was attempting to bolster her courage. She had a copy of the magazine, 3 red roses and absolutely no idea what to say.

    Dana reached for her cell phone and dialed Alice. Hey, Al.

    Dana – where are you?

    In the car in front of Laras.

    How long have you been there?

    About 20 minutes.

    Oh for heavens sake, get out already. Call me later.

    Click and silence. Dana stared at the phone for a few minutes longer and with a final deep breath, Dana picked up her things and walked to Laras door.

    _____

    Standing outside the door, one more opportunity to run – Dana quickly knocked on the door before she did just that. She heard Lara brush against the door – peering out the hole, and then heard the sounds of the locks turning. Her heart raced – this was it – now or never.

    The door opened and there stood Lara looking somewhat disheveled, but absolutely beautiful to Dana.

    What do you need, Dana?

    May I please come in? Dana pleaded.

    With a look of great reluctance, Lara moved aside and let her in. A small victory – Dana thought.

    Lara closed the door behind them and without looking back, moved to the living room couch. The lights were dim, the sunlight fading. This suited Dana just fine.

    Lara said nothing – not one word – she just looked at Dana, not with the usual smile or tease, but with a sad, empty expression.

    You can do it, you can do it Dana mumbled to herself under her breath and closed her eyes. Rather than sit next to Lara, she paced the room. The eerie silence deafening. The sound of her blood roaring in her ears.

    There is no reason for you to listen to me, I know. So thank you for letting me in. These are for you. She held out the 3 roses. One for each of my major mistakes.

    Lara motioned for Dana to place the flowers on the coffee table. No smile, just a shrug. Her heart fell, but she did as Lara directed and put the roses down. She didnt trust herself to sit next to Lara on the couch, but she needed to touch her. She took a seat in the arm chair next to the couch and reached across.

    As their hands met, the familiar spark radiated between them. Lara pulled back. Say what you need to say, Dana.

    Loud exhale, OK. I am so sorry. I screwed this up. I was hearing Conrad in my head. I didnt mean it. It all came out in a rush. Lara appeared confused and was staring at her again.

    Wait, let me start again. That night, before I met you at Archive, I met with Conrad to sign the papers for Subaru. He started talking about lifestyle clauses and how my days were numbered. I got scared. I came to the restaurant to get you and it just seemed like everyone was staring at us. I freaked out. Said so many things I should not have and I wish I could take back. I am so sorry, Lara, so sorry. Tears were threatening, her throat tight, but she had said what she needed to say. She looked at Lara and waited for something, anything from those blue eyes.

    Lara sat silently for a few more minutes – she was not going to cry, not going to cry. I am still ***** and out, Dana and you are still ***** and not. How can we build an us, if when you get scared, you run?

    Dana reached into her bag and pulled out the Subaru ad. She handed it to Lara and waited for the words to sink in. Going to be a lot more out soon.

    Lara nodded and placed the magazine along side the flowers. Well this is good for you, Dana. You should be very pleased.

    But? Dana was begging, choking out the words, her world was nothing without this woman. Please talk to me, Lara. Please.

    But, Dana, you left me standing in a room full of people. You hurt me, broke my heart. I wanted to talk about it and you just said it was too hard and that you couldnt do it. I left there crushed and havent heard from you in days. What do you want from me? Lara was sobbing.

    The depth of Laras pain was too much to bear. Dana reached across and stroked Laras arms. Lara was powerless to stop her – it just felt too good. Dana took a tissue and wiped the tears from Laras cheeks. She longed to kiss her, to hold her close but the time was not right yet.

    I dont want to hurt you again, Lara. I am always messing things up. What I did to you was uncalled for and I want to take it all back. I know it doesnt work that way, but I want to. The Subaru ad, tennis, none of it means anything without you. You mean the world to me. Please, please forgive me.

    Dana, forgiving you isnt the problem. I understand that maybe I was pressuring you too much, but you wouldnt even talk about things. You just decided and that was that. I dont know if I can get past that. I can forgive you, but honestly, I dont know that I want to get back together and wait for the next time you get overwhelmed and run away. It just hurts too much to keep going this way.

    Silent tears ran down Danas face anew. I understand. I cant promise that I wont mess up again. It just happens – particularly because I care about you so much. But, I promise to do my best to never again hurt you like that on purpose. Can we try again, please? I want to try again.

    The words echoed in Laras head. The two of them spent – their emotions bare and raw. Neither said another word for a long time, staring into the dim room not looking at each another. Unless Lara asked her to leave, Dana was not going to move an inch.

    After an eternity, Lara touched Danas hand lightly. Dana stared up expectantly into Laras eyes. I was going to have a light dinner if you want to join me.

    Her heart lifted. With a sigh of relief, she quickly nodded her acceptance. It was a start.

    Lara added We still need to work some things out, but I dont want to lose you either.

    Tears of joy sprang to Danas eyes. She stood up and pulled Lara to her feet. Dana buried her face in Laras neck – whispered in her ear Thank you. Thank you. I am so sorry baby. She stroked Laras face. I know, I know. Me too. Lara replied. They held each other close for the longest time.

    When she could stand it no longer, Lara pulled back and looked into Danas eyes. Her mouth descended and met Danas. She had missed this woman. The exchange was heated – full of pent up passion, desire, hurt, longing all wrapped together.

    Their lips coaxed, tongues caressed, hands roamed. Laras stomach grumbled its need for food and they both giggled.

    Guess this will have to wait until later. Dana said with a smile.

    ____

    Hand in hand, the pair made their way to the kitchen. Lara pulled a few things from the refrigerator as Dana set the table and made drinks. Dinner progressed with light chatter and small talk, neither wanting to upset the delicate peace between them. They would talk about these issues later, but tonight, by an unspoken agreement they were together.

    After the dishes were cleared, Dana leaned on the bar and watched as Lara finished in the kitchen. The light illuminated Laras hair reminding Dana of just how much she wanted to be with this woman. Her heart soared when she looked at her – her life felt somehow more complete and with meaning.

    Dana smiled to herself and sat down at the dining table to enjoy the view. Lara took her time. She noticed Dana checking her out and wanted to drag things out – some sweet torture. The flickers of desire churned within her stomach and settled into her center.

    Lara dried her hands slowly and turned to where Dana was seated watching her. She raised her brow and coyly asked, Now where were we? Ahh, yes, here. Lara pulled Danas chair out just a bit more and straddled her lap, burying her face in Danas neck. She placed light kisses along the nape and trailed upward towards Danas ear with her tongue.

    Dana gasped at the contact. Moved her head slightly to the left to accommodate her lover. The smell that was distinctly Lara permeated the room – filling Danas senses. She breathed in her hair and groaned. Lara took Danas face in her hands and turned until their mouths met. Hunger drove their mouths together and Lara nipped lightly on Danas lip until she opened her mouth to receive the caress of Laras tongue.

    Dana ran her hand up Laras back, then under her shirt. Her hand caught in the fabric and she cursed softly. Here allow me. Lara said as she peeled off her shirt to reveal her beautiful *****. Dana blew out a small breath and began to kiss down Laras collar bone to her waiting nipple. Lara writhed as Dana took the peak in her mouth and sucked gently.

    A groan escaped Laras lips. Am I getting too heavy?

    Huh?

    On your legs.

    No, no you are fine as Dana continued to manipulate the first nipple before moving to the second.

    Lets move to the bed – too far – the couch, yeah the couch, much closer. I need you now. Lara pulled herself from Danas lap and by the hand led her to the couch. Careful never to break the contact between them.

    They undressed one another with a familiarity that suited them, kissing the revealed skin and driving the other to distraction. Their coupling was hot, fast, furious. A hurried dance that continued until contented they lay with Lara holding Dana in her arms where she belonged.

    As she settled into her embrace, Dana whispered almost inaudibly, I am falling in love with you. Lara kissed the top of Danas head and replied, Me too.



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