‘Ok. Do you want to sleep in the bed, I will take the couch.’

‘I want to go to bed with you.’

There is no doubt in my mind what she means and when she starts undressing herself without another word I don’t even blink. Instead I do the same, completely aware I’m about to meet the unknown, part of it for sure awoken by my infidelity, other parts caused by being separated for so long and the loss of a loved one. If that’s what it takes to feel her close one last time, so be it.

 The air shifts as she skulks toward me, her eyes pitch black in the shimmery room. I’m rooted to my spot when she halts a step away from me. Hardening eyes that once had been my salvation, but now bring the accusations of a jealous lover, study every part of me. The air is so brittle it could snap, and if it doesn’t, I might.

‘Tonight you’re mine.’ Bridging the last step she pushes me down onto the bed. Grasping the sheets I brace myself for whatever she is willing to offer. She follows right behind me, straddling me and taking my hands, pinning them one by one above my head. The heat of her body radiates, my breathing becomes shallow, my skin itches to feel hers against mine. Hovering above me, her wild curls frame her face of which I can only see the contours in the glow of the night. ‘This is your last chance to change your mind.’ There is a threat in her voice which the loosening of her grip on my hands doesn’t undo.

‘I chose to stay.’ I say without hesitation. Her answer comes immediately when she crashes her hips down and nails me to the bed completely, I don’t get the chance to even breath when her lips hit mine in the same blow. When she lays down on top of me, and her body covers mine the hollowing pain of desperation and missing explodes within and sets me on fire all at once. I surrender to her tight clench of complete control, understanding she is fighting mostly a battle with herself. In this moment I am the least proud of myself. I failed myself and her too. I made her suffer while I could have saved her from it. Without having any other means left, I try to translate all that with my lips and tongue eliciting a throaty moan, that comes from somewhere deep down inside of her.  

Leaving my lips, her erratic breath finds my ear. ‘Make me forget.’ There is no gentle touch, no tender caress or words of affection and still I would do whatever she asks. Lifting up my hips I urge her to take me. And so she does with wild and fierce possession, an urgent moan leaves her lips the moment she feels me and all my endless craving for her. ‘Tina..’

A cry of longing escapes me and my head drops back. For a moment she stills her hand, letting me adjust to her fingers in a moment of clemency. My head spins when she starts moving, pushing my boundaries hard and deep inside of me. ‘That’s right honey, don’t hold back.’ I heave burying my fingers in her hair, pulling her closer, arching my back to offer her more of me, my body picks up on the pace that she uses to erase everything. With every thrust, I feel her pain, anger, anxiety and most of all her need to claim me as hers again. And my god, there is nothing I want more than to feel hers again.

‘You will forever be the love of my life.’ I whisper in the night as a tear escape the corner of my eye. I never thought I would feel her again.

 A teardrop scatters on my cheek and mixes with mine as she stills her fingers inside of me. ‘And what if I stay too?’  

I place my hand over my mouth to muffle a sob, before she makes me feel hers again showing me effortlessly that she didn’t forget every single thing that I enjoy the most.