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I taught myself from a young age to say goodbye. Not to get to close too people. Not to get attached, because there’s always a farewell somewhere around the corner. When you do it often enough it becomes easy. Or at least it should. And most of the time it is. Most of the time… Other times, when letting those, who are special, come close, some even too close, saying goodbye takes all. There is that risk you take, when letting people in and loving them, the cost is high, immense. Being left with a debt that you possibly pay for the rest of your life. And very rarely in life it’s so that two goodbye’s follow each other like a domino effect. At all costs I want to prevent that last stone from falling. The cornerstone of my being. She’s holding my hand so tight that I’m afraid my fingers will soon fall off. As six men walk over to the coffin and lift it on their shoulders the big screen behind the pulpit draws me in. The frozen picture, that I know so well, takes my breath away and takes me away from this funeral to the moment when it was taken.
Croix de Valmer – France 2,5 years ago
My heart can burst any moment from happiness when this goddess in the most beautiful white dress, chosen just for me, reaches out her hand with a dazzling smile. I’m having it all. ‘Can I have this dance?’ With a confidence that comes so natural for her, she takes my hand and leads me into the sand as our song starts to play. We barely move, her soft cheek rests against mine, my hands lay around her neck.
‘You can have whatever you want.’ I slide my hand over her arms and bring her hand to my lips to kiss it.
‘After this dance I just want you.’ Her raspy voice gives me a promise for the night to come. Pulling her closer I relish in the feeling of the silky fabric of her dress against my fingertips and the warmth of all that is her under it, as we leisurely sway. ‘Mrs. Porter, I’m dying to kiss you.’ Her warm breath in my ear in combination with her words and her body moving against mine are working wonders on me.