‘I’m confused and I…I just don’t know what to say. It’s a huge decision.’

‘I wish I would have had the chance to talk to you about it, but we weren’t in contact.’ I remember how lonely I felt with all my questions and doubts. How many times I picked up the phone, scrolled to her name, only to put it down again. Nights I stared at our picture, hoping she would talk to me. The uncountable letters I wrote, which all ended up in the bin.

‘It’s a lot to process.’ She rubs her forehead and I almost regret I mentioned anything today. ‘So what does it mean?’

‘It means that I can be in LA, or here, or wherever in the world for that matter.’ We avert our gaze to the waiter at the same time, when he shows up at our table with our breakfast. As soon as he puts the plate down in front of Tina she moves it aside leaning back in her chair. ‘Thank you.’ I tell the waiter before I cross my legs and pick up my cutlery, forcing myself to take a bite and motion to her plate. ‘You have to eat something, you didn’t eat anything yesterday.’

‘Food is the last thing on my mind right now.’ She sighs but still caves in under my stern look. For a while we both chew our food without any enthusiasm, meanwhile I can almost hear her thinking. If she’s hurt that I made this decision only after she left, she doesn’t show me.

‘I meant what I said last night as well. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay in Paris to take all the time we need to figure out where we stand… to see if we can fix what’s broken.’ I place my cutlery down again and enjoy the careful hopeful smile that breaks through on her face. It’s all still so precarious, but this feels like the kind of day that hope believes in. ‘I’m still struggling with everything, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. And I’m sure you also have doubts of your own. I can’t leave until I know we both gave our all.’

‘I uhm…this is more than I could hope for.’

‘Exactly my thoughts yesterday when you said you will stay wherever.’

We finish our food in silence, occasionally glancing at each other. The knowledge of not having to deal with an imminent departure and of having all the time in the world still has to sink in, like so many other things. We order another coffee and chit chat a bit about nothing in particular while the tension slowly dissolves.

‘When are you moving to the apartment? Do you need help?’

‘I’m moving tomorrow. I just have to move my suitcases from the Ritz, I’ll call a taxi. I want you to take rest. I see how exhausted you are.’

‘I should be writing, but I think I’m going to do exactly that.’ After placing a tip on top of the receipt she starts putting on her coat but stops half way buttoning it. ‘You will let me know if you need anything right?’

‘I’m a big girl I am sure I will manage.’

‘Don’t joke Bette just…please.’

‘I told you not to worry.’ I whisper in her ear when I pull her into a hug in front of the bar. ‘Thank you for everything last months.’

‘You too. I guess I’ll see you around.’ As we start walking in opposite directions, our hands find each other, until only our index fingers touch. Just before we lose contact, she tugs my finger and I cast another glance over my shoulder at her before she releases me with a small smile on her lips and walks off in the direction of her apartment.