‘Away from me… that’s also obvious.’ Sitting down in the love seat in front of the window she looks down and starts to play with the rope of her robe. ‘I can’t figure out the moment it started. Where does that need come from? Is it too much to stay?’

Brusque I pull the sweater down and lean against the dresser. I know exactly when it started. There’s a room in LA, probably covered in dust that’s my witness. With my throat dry and cold sweat shivering on my back I swallow.  ‘I wasn’t running away from you.’

‘Oh please, can you just for once….’

‘I was never running away from you.’ I interrupt her. ‘It was never about you.’

‘About what then? Because that’s how it feels. Do have any idea what it does to me?’ She asks pulling the robe tighter around her. ‘It takes a piece of me … it breaks me… every time.’  Every nerve in my body is naked fighting off the hurt in her voice. If she would give me the cold shoulder now, it would feel like a warm blanket. As I bite my lip she gets up and walks over to the window. The branches of the birch trees dance behind her, blocking the streetlight from coming in every other moment. The unpredictability of the light conceals and reveals her expression, not once long enough for me to really see her. ‘Did I scare you when I told you.. when I said…?’ Her voice is weak but the unspoken words bear witness of pride, that I can’t leave unanswered.

‘There was a time I didn’t have problems with sharing my feelings with you… my feelings for you.’ I do… I do love you. ‘So much happened between us, we hurt each other so much that my feelings for you scare me. I’m scared to let you in again.’ When night time comes my thoughts slow down but remain torturous nevertheless.

‘You don’t have to put it in words. If you get lost… I’m strong enough to find you. I guess… I just need to know if you want me to… if you still want me to find you.’

‘I’m sorry for the way I left and for not calling you earlier.’ I say. Reaching for the keys in my pocket I take the spare key from my apartment from the chain and walk over to her. ‘I’m tired of running away. Take this.’ I hand her the key and smile apologetically. ‘So you can reach me next time I get lost.’