‘Next time I’ll join, I promise.’

‘Like you promised we would go to Hawaii for a weekend, or to New York, or a weekend to that wooden cottage in the mountains?’ I cringe when she reminds me of all the promises I used so far to patch my absence with. ‘We bought tickets, we booked the Ritz, we talked about this, we planned it, you said it would be different this time.’

‘I know what I said, you don’t have to remind me about it. I-can’t-go-period.’

‘I can’t go doesn’t work for me. Why don’t you finally talk to me? I can listen to you, I can help you and we can do this together.’ When her hand reaches again for my face I fly up from the chair and walk over to the kitchen. I can’t stand the disappointed look in her eyes. Fear that she will leave me if I continue like this wraps itself around me. I wouldn’t know what to do without her, she is everything to me.

 ‘There is nothing complex to talk about. It’s just so fucking busy, I can’t drop the ball.’

 ‘Please help me understand because I simply don’t anymore.’ She follows me to the kitchen and leans against the counter, I feel naked under her searching eyes.

‘I’m sure you don’t with your perfect job and your even more perfect salary. But some of us have to work more to earn a fraction of what you’re earning.’ I can’t look at her, money was never an issue. Nor the fact that she was earning way more than I ever did. Until…

‘We have more than enough Bette. What more do you want? This was never a problem before. Talk to me for fuck sakes.’

 The sound of my ringtone pierces through the room. I walk over to my phone and check the caller ID. ‘I need to answer this.’

‘Don’t you fucking dare!’

‘Bette Porter speaking.’ When I see the fury in her eyes, I know a huge fight will follow as soon as I end this call. And this time huge is an understatement.

‘Dear Bette, you have to stop looking so sad.’

I look up and meet her surprisingly sober eyes and a loving look. ‘You really scared us yesterday.’ I reply with a smile that chases away my sad look as I get up to adjust Renee’s pillows and kiss her forehead.

‘You have to accept the fact that I’m dying, there is nothing scary about that, everyone does it.’ I hate it when she talks about it this simplistic. As if it doesn’t matter.

‘I’m so sorry I missed your last birthday.’

‘Oh honey, we shared so many beautiful moments, you can’t beat yourself about one.’ She taps my hand. ‘Although I have to admit, when Tina showed up at my doorstep I was searching for you. Which wasn’t that nice for her, I know she was missing you too.’

‘I wasn’t really nice to her then.’ My eyes fall on the neckless that she’s always wearing and I wonder how it’s possible that till now I didn’t recognize it. It’s the birthday present that Tina bought her. I wonder how many times Tina covered for me and made me look like a better person than I really was those times.

‘She never told me anything about it, but I figured as much.’

‘That wasn’t really the only time.’

‘Then talk to her about it instead of to me. I love you but you can be a real pain in the ass.’ The loving smile that follows makes me feel even smaller. Right then the door of the living room opens and there she is, carrying two cups of coffee with a sleepy smile on her face.