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    Uncharted Territory

    ‘You two are so beautiful together.’ Hearing the fragile voice coming from the bed behind us we both turn around. Tina’s grip loosens but she doesn’t let go. ‘This is how I remember you.’

    I choke. And hold on to the air until it hurts.

    ‘Can I get you anything?’ Tina asks Renee softly.

    ‘A glass of Pastis would be nice, but I think I’ll pass this time.’ The attempt to chuckle gets caught in a series of agonizing coughs that make my skin crawl and finally puts me in motion. In a heartbeat I’m at the bed, adjusting her pillows and rubbing her back. I’ve never learned to say goodbye. It is so definite. It can shatter your soul. Each phase of living has forms of arrival and leaving. It would be nice to stop. It would be nice to feel that sense of being again, with Tina and that I could stay in a way that is ongoing.

    ‘Bette I’m sure you have been wracking your brain about what to tell me. I don’t want last words from the two of you. I do have something to say to you though.’ Renee says with wheezing breath. Tina’s hand guides me to sit down on the bed, while she stands behind me circling her arms around my shoulders.

    Fatigued eyes. Hold on. Just a little longer…

    ‘It has been such a privilege. You two have enriched my life. I could never find the words to express my gratitude for all you two have done for me…especially in the last months. I know you two can be so good together. I saw it. I won’t make you promise me anything. Whatever you decide just make sure you won’t have any regrets at the end of the line. Toast each sundown with wine and think about me once in a while. I love you.’

    Her last words drift away. My heart bleeds.

    Tina’s heart beats the strong drum of a funeral march against my back when she kisses my cheek, before I watch the last heartfelt hug and the last adoring kiss on Renee’s cheek. ‘I love you too. Thank you for everything. Bette and I will be ok.’

    They share a knowing smile before Tina’s turns around to me. Her red eyes tell me the time has come. I want to remember everything about this moment but my mind is foggy. Small arms around me. A weakening heartbeat. A soft cheek against mine. And my last words. ‘I love you so much.’

    That loving smile for the last time. Her eyes close.

    My heart slows to a funeral pace. I close the book lying on the nightstand. Caring arms wrap around me as tight as never before.

    Adieu.

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