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Valediction (One/Three)
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It enraged Alice, though. To anyone who didn’t know her well, she would have looked calm, but I could almost smell the anger coming off her. I tried to calm her down a little by squeezing her hand, but she ignored me. "What the fuck kind of thing is that to say?" she asked in a really measured voice, not letting herself sound at all upset. Dr. Shapiro just looked at me for a minute, and then shook his head a little bit. He opened his mouth to say something in response, but I really wasn’t in the mood to have him dissect what he’d said. I knew what he meant and why he’d said it that way even if Alice didn’t.
"Let’s just go home," I told her quietly. Something in my voice must have gotten to her, because she just looked at me for a minute and nodded. There wasn’t any anger in her eyes anymore, just that goddamned pity I hated so much.
I don’t really remember the car ride home. Bette drove, but I only know that because Alice held me all the way back. One of them, I’m not entirely sure which, asked me if I wanted to stop somewhere and get some food or something, but all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and stay there. I was so fucking tired of talking about the cancer, my options, the future…everything. I just wanted the noise in my head to stop for a minute.
I think they sensed that I was out of it. They got on either side of me, and I know they had to have been helping me walk inside, but I don’t remember it. All I really remember clearly is Alice kissing me, then going into the bedroom and shutting the door. It was a response I’d gotten used to over the course of the past couple of years. She hated it when I saw her lose control, so she’d disappear for a little bit. I’m pretty sure she cried after she shut the door, but she never let me hear it. It used to scare me, that she’d take off on me like that, but now I know she does it for me rather than for herself. She knows the support breaks down my defenses in the immediate aftermath of bad news, and while I love the fact that she clings to me later, I can’t handle that kind of closeness right away. It makes me feel like I’ll lose myself or something. That probably doesn’t make any sense, but it’s how I see it.
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I hate to just repeat what everyone else said…but yeah, wow. I don’t think I’ve ever cried from fan fic before, but tears actually welled up in my eyes by the 3rd page of this. I almost didn’t read it because I want to live in a delusional fan fic universe where Dana dying of cancer is never part of the equation, but I love your writing so much I couldn’t resist. I’m bracing myself for the outcome, but I know it’ll be worth it if the next 2 chapters are anything like this one (and I’m sure they will be).
Awesome!! That’s all I can say with a lump in my throat.
Perfect.
You.Slayed.Me. That was pretty fucking great.
Wow. I Don’t even know what to say it’s just amazing
Wow…that’s pretty much all there is to say. I’m supposed to be writing a paper, but i stopped to see if anything new was posted and i’m glad i did! This is such an awesome story, its so real. Please continue and SOON!
Dana’s death really was handled poorly on the show, both last season and this one (so far), so I’m interested to see your interpretation. This was an excellent first chapter, though I know the heartbreak is coming. Thanks
you got me all so teary eyes :'( liking the closure that we certainly didn’t get on the show. also the first person-thing. it’s done perfect :)
I lost my longest friend recently to cancer so this opened those wounds. It is a poingnant story and well constructed and written so the reader is a participant. Please continueJackie E
Ok, I just have to say that I pretty much started crying on the second page, and now that I’m finished I still can’t stop crying. That was…my God. There are no words for all the love and emotion you just created between the two. 5 pages of your story proved their love more than storyline IC could have written. Please post the rest of this story soon, although I’ll have to remember to grab an entire box of tissues next installment. Great job.
Amazing! I love how you are writing this…I like the 1st person angle, it works! I am almost crying, but I am at work and that makes me want to cry on its own…no seriously you have a gift! Looking fwd to all your posts for all your stories (YOU, Weather the Storm and now Valediction)
really good and so sad.