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Valediction (One/Three)
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It wasn’t like I tried to smother her, but after awhile it got to be like all the times before. I invested so much into the relationship, thinking that somehow she’d understand that. She understood everything else, why wouldn’t she understand that the only reason I held on so tight was because I was anticipating the day she’d leave me? Everyone else had. We talked about it a little bit by ourselves, then put it on the shelf and tried to ignore it.
I never got the full story on what Shane said to her, or what she said, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. She came home after midnight that night, and we stayed up talking until the next night, about everything. We started to see Dan Foxworthy on Bette’s advice not long afterward, and while it didn’t work itself out right away, we made it. Barely.
It sounds so weird, but the cancer brought us together more than any kind of couples’ therapy ever could have. The first time, it almost killed us both. She lashed out at everything and everyone she could, me included…the only thing that stopped her was that I yelled back at her. I wasn’t angry with her; I knew it was the cancer turning her into a monster. It sounds incredibly fucking backwards when you think about it logically, but that made it easier to yell back.
After her mastectomy, when they told us that it had spread more than they’d ever expected, she moved in with me. I got instructions from the doctors and made myself into her nurse. As much as I could, anyway. I felt like it was the least I could do; she’d taken care of me through my run-in with the antidepressants that had done something to my brain. The chemo was doing some of the same things to hers, and although she argued with me about it, I felt like I owed her for it.
I devoted myself to writing, doing my radio show and taking care of her…which meant a lot of research. Before too long I was giving some half-serious thought to enrolling in some kind of medical program and becoming an oncologist. Dana humored me when I told her that, but I saw that the idea hurt her, so I never said anything about it again. There didn’t seem to be any point; I’d barely made it through undergrad. Med school would have been way too much, and I saw enough with Dana to last me a lifetime.
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I hate to just repeat what everyone else said…but yeah, wow. I don’t think I’ve ever cried from fan fic before, but tears actually welled up in my eyes by the 3rd page of this. I almost didn’t read it because I want to live in a delusional fan fic universe where Dana dying of cancer is never part of the equation, but I love your writing so much I couldn’t resist. I’m bracing myself for the outcome, but I know it’ll be worth it if the next 2 chapters are anything like this one (and I’m sure they will be).
Awesome!! That’s all I can say with a lump in my throat.
Perfect.
You.Slayed.Me. That was pretty fucking great.
Wow. I Don’t even know what to say it’s just amazing
Wow…that’s pretty much all there is to say. I’m supposed to be writing a paper, but i stopped to see if anything new was posted and i’m glad i did! This is such an awesome story, its so real. Please continue and SOON!
Dana’s death really was handled poorly on the show, both last season and this one (so far), so I’m interested to see your interpretation. This was an excellent first chapter, though I know the heartbreak is coming. Thanks
you got me all so teary eyes :'( liking the closure that we certainly didn’t get on the show. also the first person-thing. it’s done perfect :)
I lost my longest friend recently to cancer so this opened those wounds. It is a poingnant story and well constructed and written so the reader is a participant. Please continueJackie E
Ok, I just have to say that I pretty much started crying on the second page, and now that I’m finished I still can’t stop crying. That was…my God. There are no words for all the love and emotion you just created between the two. 5 pages of your story proved their love more than storyline IC could have written. Please post the rest of this story soon, although I’ll have to remember to grab an entire box of tissues next installment. Great job.
Amazing! I love how you are writing this…I like the 1st person angle, it works! I am almost crying, but I am at work and that makes me want to cry on its own…no seriously you have a gift! Looking fwd to all your posts for all your stories (YOU, Weather the Storm and now Valediction)
really good and so sad.