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    We all need explanations: Part one of two

    Story written on April 15, 2006 by Amadeus.
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    58 votes, average: 3.50 out of 558 votes, average: 3.50 out of 558 votes, average: 3.50 out of 558 votes, average: 3.50 out of 558 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5 (58 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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    Character(s): N/A
    Number of Comments: 17
    Words: 4493
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=60475
    Author Notes:

    Tina wants to offer an explanation, but it is not that simple.

    Tina, I think I could fairly describe myself as a mother as well, or perhaps you . . .

    Tina cut in swiftly,

    Bette, please, please try to hear me out.  I said that all wrong.  Of course you are a mother, and Angelica is a part of you.  I expressed it badly.  Its about child-bearing, its about bearing a child, my body giving birth, my womb giving nurture, my baby, our baby being connected to me by an umbilical cord, my breasts filling with milk to feed her – its entirely turned my world upside down.

     

    Tina paused and Bette did not fill the empty space.  She looked at Tina with tear-filled eyes, not failing now, as she never had, to feel that surge of gratitude to Tina for bearing their child.  There was no doubt Bette, too, had  maternal instincts, but they were emotional and intellectual.  She had never had the slightest inclination to offer up her body to the creation of another human being.  Her path to creative nurture lay through the development not of the foetus but of the enquiring mind and awakening spirit.  Tinas confession was not something Bette could readily grasp.

     

    Tina perceived that the floor was still hers and so she continued with her explanation, trying to exercise some control over the rush of words so that she could formulate them with a modicum of care and thereby spare Bette any unnecessary additional hurt.

     

    When I . . . when we brought Angelica into the world, something fell into place; a missing part, a part that I didnt even know was missing, slotted home.

    Sure you knew it was missing – it went missing when you lost our baby boy.  Bette broke in with a tremor to her voice.  Tina pondered Bettes interjection.

    OK.  Thats true.  I felt . . . we felt a huge sense of loss when I mis. . .

    No, Tina.  No pejoratives.  We felt a huge sense of loss when the baby died.

    Tina smiled her appreciation that Bette had actively lifted from her the sense of blame she always tried to attach to herself.

    Thank you.  She drew in a deep breath and held it before gently releasing the air to continue.

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    Comments

    3. Okay, you’ve got me, hook, line, and sinker. I don’t know why though. This hurts as if I never heard it before and that’s crazy. Ready for more. Thanks for the post.

    4. Seeing your name as author always gravitates me to read. Your words are thick with emotion. Funny thing is, I don’t think IC and Co. think/create this deeply. We are left to fill in so many emotional blanks that anything can be true. Thanks for sharing your view. :-)

    6. Damn, that was deep and painful, but also a bit of hope. Season 3 was painful, but luckily here in FF world we get to be happy sometimes. I hope that in your story that bit of hope turns more into reality. Post soon.

    9. Good to see you back Amadeus. Your depiction of all things refined – including B&T and their music and art and your writing – were sorely missed. I hope you and your artner had a lovely time away (congratulations!). I look forward to the second part of this and all future episodes of As Love is Deep. Specially the latter. Thanks for coming back with another lovely tale.

    12. OMG – That was truly excellent – i am very keen to read the next part and see if tina stays to deal with the mess that she has created. Hooray for the Brits.

    16. Amadeus…You have been missed. I love your new insights as to what events and feelings broke them apart. With all the fanfic out there, I’ve never read Tina’s explanation for getting pregnant. What she was trying to accomplish w/her pregnancy. I think what is very telling is Tina’s comment that Angelica made her feel complete, whole…while for Bette, Angelica is the light of her life but Tina makes her feel complete. Two very disparate views of life. I can now see why Tina would take up w/Henry (any man). He (a man) completes that traditional picture for her. Bette didn’t need Angelica to feel complete as long as she had Tina. Too bad they didn’t express their feelings vis-a-vis this topic before Tina became pregnant. I look forward to the next chapter. I am a huge TiBetter (actually more of a Better) and feel apprehensive about the ensuing chapter.

    17. Thank you for coming back with a wonderful story – can’t wait for Pt.2. September seems such a long way off – so it’s good to have these great stories in the meantime.

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