I leaned back into my pillow letting a tear fall from my eye, but I quickly wiped it away when I heard her soft voice saying, “can’t sleep?”

“Insomnia,” I responded.

She inhaled deeply and moved up to her elbow. She looked at the radio which was playing a soft jazz tune, then at me, “when did you turn that on?”

“When it started to rain,” I said, “it relaxes me.”

She looked into my eyes for the first time in what seemed like months and her brow furrowed. “You’ve been crying.”

She can still read me! I’m still like an open-book to her.

I wasn’t gonna respond because I knew I would break into tears, but when I heard a soft piano intro on the radio the tears spilled faster then the raging rain outside. It was our song. The song we danced to on one of our dates in which I admitted to her for the first time that I loved her.

When the road gets dark                                                                                                                               And you can no longer see                                                                                                                           Just let my love throw a spark                                                                                                                      And have a little faith in me

“Bette,” she said wiping the tears for my eyes, “why are you crying?”

“Because I am an idiot,” I said, “I fucked it all up. You’ve lost your faith in me and there’s nothing I can do to get that back.”

Tina was silent. Even in the dark room only illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from the windows, I could see the surprise and hurt in her eyes.

And when the tears you cry                                                                                                                            Are all you can believe                                                                                                                                  Just give these loving arms a try, baby                                                                                                         And have a little faith in me

“I thought you lost that faith in me a long time ago when in fact you hadn’t,” I said softly, “We were going to all these therapy sessions and I felt like you thought we needed it because you didn’t have faith that I would be a good mother.”

“That’s not true Bette,” Tina spoke for the first time since my outburst, “you’re a great mother to Angelica.”

“Do you know what I thought when you had that first miscarriage?” I said.

“What?” she said. I could hear the surprise in her voice. We hadn’t even talked about this since we got back together after my father’s death.