I cant feel anything, arms, legs, heart beat. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

Laras dead, taken from me by some unseen monster that snuck in while I was in the damn kitchen, it ended her life while I was making her breakfast.

As long as I live I will never be able to get the sight of her lying there in my bed, wearing one of my old shirts. Her blood dripping from the side.

She was still warm, if I had called someone right then she might have lived but I just couldnt understand any of it.

I thought Shane could make her better, why did I call her first?

She was so strong, standing there, pulling me away from Lara.In her eyes a storm was raging, she just pulled me close, and whispered in my ear that Lara was gone.

I shook my head, not wanting to believe her, yet at the same time I knew it was true.

Shane handled the police, they asked me all kinds of awful questions, they even asked if I killed her.

Shane had a fit, yelled at them, then she took me over to Alices.

Ive just kinda been in a daze every since then, a numbness has invaded my body and it will not go away, not that I want it to, I know that I couldnt stand the pain if it went away.

Today Im going home, Shane, Alice, Bette and Tina are going with me, they all said that they would go for me, that there was no need for me to go back there, but I need to do this.

I feel arms wrap around me and look up into brown eyes. Bette kisses me on the top of the head.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

I know shes worried that Ill break down, but this is something I feel like I have to do.

I stand and follow her out into the living room, where my support group sits. I wouldnt be able to do this without them.

Tears would fall but I dont have any of them left.

Tina walks over to me, hugs me close. She whispers words that almost make me feel.

You ready?

Shane asks as she stands, Alice does the same. I shake my head and we head out.

A deep pit of despair forms in my stomach when we stop out side my apartment. I close my eyes not sure if I can do this.

Somehow I find the strength and I make myself start walking, one leg in front of the other, just keep moving.

No one talks, silence is a horrible thing sometimes.

They don’t know, the group of women with me, have no clue what has happened to me.

They think they know but how could they, how will they ever understand what he has done to me?

I walk with Shane’s arm around my shoulders but I don’t feel it there, I don’t feel anything at all.

My lungs take in air, my heart beats but I’m dead, he made sure of that when he took Lara from me.

There’s no part of me that lives, no part that feels. I’ve shattered into a million scattered pieces that can never be put back together.

This hole inside of me will never be filled, no trace of my old self will ever be found.

We stop outside not one of us wants to venture into that crime scene, ugly yellow tape smiles at me from my front door.

My name brings me out of this reality for a second, Alice asks her question again.

Do I want to go inside, no not really but my feet walk toward that horrible smiling creature, Shane pulls back it’s yellow lips and together we are eaten up by the darkness that lays behind it.

I look around the place that used to be my home, it’s tainted now, touched by a evil that can’t be described.

A evil that hasnt been named yet, who did this. I want to know. Who took my forever away?

A scream escapes my lips, the women around me jump, they ask me what’s wrong, am I hurt?

I can’t stop the laughter that mingles with the sadness, hurt, no not at all, you have to be alive to be hurt and I am very much dead.