Subj: Where do we go from here?
Date: 3/19/2004 1:53:19 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: PatBrg3
To: PatBrg3



Tina stood there, frozen. She hadn’t taken her eyes off Bette for one moment since she left The Planet. Her stomach was in knots as she watched Bette fumble with her things, but, it was her heart that was breaking, when she saw Bette completely crumble in the car. She had not seen Bette like this before. For so long, Bette had carried the full financial responsibility for both of them, had been the strong one and was her rock when she lost the baby. Tina was so torn, so conflicted. She had such a deep feeling of love for Bette, and, at the same time, a deeper feeling of betrayal. Part of her just wanted to run out and hold her, reassure her of her love, and, another part, was just so scared. At that moment, she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder, turning, it was Marina, who only said, “Go to her, what you two share is such a rare gift” That’s all Tina needed, just a little push, to go where her heart wanted to be, despite what her mind was telling her. When Tina reaached the car, Bette was still shaking and didn’t realize Tina was there. Finally, Tina used her own key to get into the car. She reached for Bette’s shoulder, Bette pulled back, not knowing if Tina was real or not, she had hoped to be close to her for so long, she couldn’t tell if she was real. It was only when Tina clasped her hand around Bette’s neck and Bette could feel her fingers intertwined in her hair, that familiar felling, that Bette knew that Tina was really there. Bette collapsed into her embrace. Tina held her close, after some time, Bette’s crying subsided, her shaking stopped and her breathing returned to a normal pace. Tina then said, “Bette, I’m going to drive you home, give me the keys” Without question, Bette handed over the keys and they drove home. They didn’t speak on the way, Bette cautiously rested her hand on Tina’s thigh, and Tina made no effort to remove it. As they pulled into the driveway, Tina became anxious, she hadn’t been to the house in three weeks. But she had to remind herself that she was here for Bette. As they walked in, it was obvious Bette hadn’t cleaned in weeks and certainly didn’t cook. The counter and the refrigerator were full of paper cartons. Tina took Bette to their bedroom, the place of their last, dark and violent encounter. Tina was able to hold it toghether. She placed Bette on the bed and undressed her, she couldn’t help but think that someone else had done this for her, so recently. Bette laid down and looked up at Tina, “Thank you for bringing me home, please don’t leave, please sit here with me” Tina felt so awkward, but agreed to stay. She felt so tired herself, she laid down beside Bette. Bette’s hair was in her face, Tina could smell her fragrance, feel Bette’s soft skin, as she put her hand on Bette’s waist and Bette held onto for dear life. They both stayed very still, both afraid to move, neither one of them wanting to change this moment of closeness. Tina’s tears began to flow, she made no sound, Bette’s hair absorbed some of the tears. Bette could feel the rest on her neck, her heart breaking, knowing she had caused Tina to feel such pain. After a while, Bette did fall asleep and she released Tina’s hand. Tina got up and walked around the house, flooded with so many memories, so many emotions, almost too much to for her to bare. She needed to sit down, she wanted so much to go, but knew if it was the other way around, she would want Bette to stay. Tina laid down on the couch and watched tv, she too, finally fell asleep. A while later, Tina awoke to a gentle caress on her cheek, Bette was sitting on the floor, stroking her face and putting her hair behind her ear. When she awoke, Bette pulled back and stopped, “Sorry Tina, you just looked so beautiful, I couldn’t help myself” “It’s ok Bette” Tina said. Bette wanted so much to reach in and kiss her, yet, she was so afraid. Afraid that Tina might not only reject her, but maybe tell her she didn’t love her anymore. Then she felt Tina’s hands on her face, circlingher cheek and then her lips. Bette slowly moved in and kessed Tina very gently, very cautiously, not pushing the kiss at all. Tina didn’t push the kiss either, just allowing Bette to ge this close to her was enough for now. Tina then sat up and said “Bette, are you ok now, I reall need to leave” “Yes, Tina, I’m fine, thank you for taking care of me” “I know you would do the same for me” Tina said as she got off the couch. “Yes, I would” Bette said softly. “Tina, can I call you? can we go out sometime?” Tina looked nervously and said “I’ll think about it, I’ll call you” Bette just looked to the floor, “ok”. Bette then walked Tina to the door, and as Tina walked away, Bette could still feel Tina’s tears on her hair and neck, but she was so grateful for those few moments that they spent together. Bette went over to the couch and laid down, feeling the contours that Tina’s shape had left and smelling her perfume left on the cushions.