“How did you deal with that disappointment?”

“I couldn’t deal with it, Suzanne.  She was pregnant, easily upset.  My job was not to deal with my own disappointments and problems, it was to make Tina happy, to make sure our family was taken care of, to help her in every way I could to prepare for our baby.  It was a role I took on happily.  It was my contribution.”

“But you’re angry.”

“I am, but I don’t want to be.  It’s just that I was making all the concessions, yet her needs were the ones being met.  It was like her life was being turned upside down and only the changes that she was going through mattered.  The stress was killing me.”

“And you had nowhere to turn?”

“I imprudently turned to Candace which pulled us apart.”

“So this is a bit circular.  You entered into a physical relationship with Candace because you couldn’t relate to Tina and once you went outside of the marriage, your relationship with Tina became more fragmented, thus weakening your foundation further and creating in you a willingness to greater explore your needs outside of your primary relationship?”

“Right–because Tina wasn’t there for me.  I was there for her, but in so many ways, she was not there for me.  From the donor business, to losing the baby, dealing with my father, understanding the pressures at work, all of it.”

“You believe that you were there for her?”

“Yes.”

“Both physically and emotionally?”

Bette stared at her therapist.

“Do you think that maybe you shut her out, tried to shield her from all of your pressures, thus not allowing her the opportunity to offer you support?”

Bette stared out into the bright afternoon sun and reflected on the question.  She crossed her arms over her chest and inhaled deeply.  She turned to Suzanne and said in a hushed tone, “Yeah, I probably did that.”

_____

Bette felt emotionally drained when she left therapy.  Sometimes she hated Suzanne.  She took the elevator down to the lobby and stepped out, bumping into Tina who had just exited the second elevator.

“Excuse me,” Bette said without looking up.