Years And Tears Later

Chapter Four

“Kaya, nothing happened. I just wanted some answers.” I defend my actions.

She frowns. “You wanted some answers? What the fuck Tina! She is the ex that left you and made you depressive! You were on the ground for two years! And after those years I still had to pick you up and put you back together! You were still a wreck. Do you want to ruin us? I know that you still have a soft spot for her; I know you still love her! Did you really think I didn’t know it? I can feel that I’m not everything you want! I know that I’m just second best and do you know what? I was okay with that! I loved you so fucking much that I didn’t care that your heart still belongs to her. I thought you would never see her again but now you just met up with her? Don’t you care about how that makes me feel?” She is so upset and I am shocked by her anger and pain. I never knew she felt like that, that she can read me that well. I don’t know how to respond. When I don’t say anything she gets angry and yells: “FUCK YOU!” before storming out of the bedroom.

When she also slams the door, the twin wakes up and they begin to cry. I curse and get up to soothe them. I pick our crying son up and try to calm him but his sister keeps screaming her lunges out. I direct my baby voice to both of them and after a while I can get them to stop screaming. I put Jakobe back down and then walk to the living room. Kaya is sitting on the couch; her head is resting in her hands. I can tell she is crying and I sigh.

“Babe?” I ask. No reaction. “Baby, please, look at me…”

Slowly, she looks up. The sadness in her eyes in unmistakably there. I sit on my knees in front of her and take her hands in mine.

“Baby, I love you. I’m in love with you and I want to be with you. I gave you my heart and I promised to spend my life with you. I want to raise our beautiful kids with you and no one else. I think you are amazing; you are my best friend and lover. I don’t think I can live without you. You are right, I love Bette. I love her deeply but she is not my wife. I know I can’t be with her and I have learned to live with that. You are not second best; you are the best person I’ve ever known.”