She smiles a sad smile and shakes her head. “Tina, I don’t want you to stay with me because you feel obligated to. It’s not fair to either of us. Tell me honestly, are you happy with me? Truly happy? Like you were with Bette?”

I stay quiet for a moment. An hour ago I would have never thought that I would have this mayor talk with Kaya that can possibly mean the end of our marriage. I can’t believe that she has felt this way for quite a while, she said she always knew. I know that I was never as happy with her as I was with Bette. I was just never the same. I know what the correct answer is… but I decide not to give it.

“Yes.” I say.

“No, Tina. The correct answer is no. I know that you feel like you have to stay with me because we have kids, because we are married. I know that if you could choose between Bette and me, if there would be no consequences other than losing one of us, you would pick Bette without the slightest hesitation. I don’t think I can continue being with you this way. I can’t stay together with you, knowing that you would rather have someone else lying beside you at night. I deserve more than that. I deserve to be fully loved. You are not that person, Tina. You can’t give that to me. I know you love me to a certain level but you will never be totally committed to me and I just can’t stand it, I just can’t stand it. I love you and this hurts but… It’s just not worth it. I have been thinking about this for a few months, I just never thought there was an appropriate moment to talk about this. Now that I found it, I have to tell you that I know you don’t want to be with me anymore and I don’t want to be with you anymore.” She breaks down and cries even harder. I feel panic rising in my stomach.

“Kaya, I can’t lose you, okay? I can’t live without you.”

“Yes, you can and you’ll have to. That you didn’t tell me proves that this was some secret that you don’t trust me. I don’t want you to keep secrets from me.”