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You break it, you replace it – Chapter 5
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It didn’t take long for me to start believing that you’d be better off with someone else – someone who would be there for you to give you all the love and support that you deserve. One night not so long ago I lay awake watching you as you slept, listening to you breathe – you were so peaceful and still lying there. I was overwhelmed by how much love was in my heart and how privileged I was to have you right there beside me. I went to reach out and take you in my arms in that moment. To rouse you with a kiss and make love to you slowly, the way we used to. But I could no more have touched you that night than held a gun to your head and pulled the trigger.
My inadequacies plagued me and I felt so horribly alone there beside you. Laying there you were all that I wanted and nothing that I deserved.
The very next day I met Candace and I will regret making that acquaintance for the rest of my life. She was persistent in her advances and my insecurities made me weak. She made me feel like I was good enough for her, where I firmly believed that I would never again be good enough for you. I was reacting to her desire and I don’t deny that I was physically drawn to her. It was merely *****, you were so far beyond my reach and she was there taking me over and I was too exhausted to fight.
Please don’t hate me for this, I only want to make you see that it meant nothing to me, she means nothing to me. I’d been trying to dig myself out of this dark and lonely pit for so long but I was getting no where. Then it was like she was there with me and I had to choose between staying lonely and going no where or being with her, knowing that it would dig me in deeper. I knew I was making the wrong choice but I was so afraid that I was willing to accept comfort in any form, as long as I wasn’t alone.
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I’m with DL; I wish I had found this earlier. On the bright side, I can read all of it at once without having to wait for psotings! Hee hee! Off I go to the next chap!
Great can’t wait to see if T goes to Paris.
WOW, that letter was really.. WOW.. looking for more..
Great letter. I hope Tina goes.
this seems just like emotional blackmail to me. unfortunately, although it puts tina between a rock and a hard place in being forced to make a decision based on whether she really wants to lose bette totally, it also could force tina to think that bette is trying to control her again and just let her go without really considering the outcome.
‘All that I want and nothing that I deserve.’ Excellent, excellent writing. Please continue thank you
By the way, I never expected a plane ticket to be a part of the yellow envelope unveiling. GREAT!
Wow – so revealing! I love the letter although I consider it unfair for Bette to ask Tina to make that decision. It would likely be based on not wanting to lose Bette to Paris than being ready to forgive her and move on. I really like this angle – I’ll be reading your great writing!
WONDERFUL! I hope Tina is packing as we speak!
What an excellent chapter this was. So right with Bette and her words. But you can’t let us dangle here. We have to know it Tina accepts, or if Bette is moving to Paris? I am amazed on how many excellent stories that we have going on right now with this subject. Thanks
Loved the letter.
I’m a few days behind. FABULOUS chapter!! Wonderful letter, and I love how the ball is now in Tina’s court.
This is so good. I wish I had found this earlier. Tina needs to look to the light…Paris the City of Light.