YOU GOTTA MAKE BIG MOVES – Chapter two

Tina was silent for several minutes – Bette felt anxious – it had been a crazy day, and this was not a conversation she could have ever dreamed they would be having today or any other day in the near future.
“I know you love me – maybe that is why I asked you the other day “
Bette wondered for a second if Tina had deliberately triggered this. Surely Tina knew Bette enough to know that she would never brush off THAT question. She would always start wondering what was behind the question – she would push and push until something broke. Bette wanted to ask the question but knew that if there was a time and a place for that conversation it was not today of all days.
“I might be a damn good poker player, but I cannot hide my feelings for you… other women – yes. You “Bette shook her head “Never could and never probably never will “
“So, what now?”
“Well, it is going to take a long time to process today – you loved Carrie “
“And did you love Pippa?”
“I was wildly in lust with her “Bette said honestly “Call it a silly crush on an artist I have obsessed about for so long. She was more than I ever thought she would be. I don’t think she does relationships -I don’t know. I have been deliberately stopping myself from thinking too deeply about my feelings “
“You are going to have to face her “
“I know – I am less concerned about her but yes I owe her something or other. What matters here and now is you – and us “
“How old are we Bette?”
“57 and 50 “
“And how old were we when we met?”
“I was 32 and you were 25 – and your point?”
“25 years Bette – and as you say we keep pinballing from one doomed relationship to another when we aren’t together. I don’t want this to happen when we are in our 60s and 70s. It is draining Bette “
“I know – so?”
Tina exhaled “We have to actually do some work. Do we ever learn from what has gone wrong in the past?”
Bette hated the sound of what Tina was suggesting – but knew that she was right.
“Gigi used to always want to dissect feelings “
“Did she not know how much that freaks you out?”
“No “
Tina smiled “Bette “
Her voice was so soft and tender. The sound unravelled Bette – always had done. There were few things Bette would not agree to if it came in the soft Carolina accent. She wasn’t sure how it happened, but she heard herself say
“Whatever it takes Tina – I mean it. If I have to show you how much I love you and how much I want us together again “
“Whatever it takes “Tina repeated back “Do you want to rescind that before it’s too late and I hold you to it?”
Tina smiled at Bette as she challenged her – Bette returned the smile
“When Bette Porter says that she will do whatever it takes then she will do whatever it takes “
Tina smiled “Yes – I was straight when I met you remember “
“You just thought you were “Bette retorted
Tina rubbed her face “I need time to think Bette – so do you and we need time to talk. I walked out on our marriage and left you and Angie to move to Canada. I only know how much that hurt you from the others. We have to talk about that and about a dozen other things. If we want one another – it has to be forever “
Bette wanted forever – she had always wanted forever with this person – her person.
“Okay – so what next?”
“I should be going home and trying to sleep “
“Stay “
“No “
Bette held up her hand “When you woke up this morning where were you and who were you with?”
Tina’s face crumbled a little “I was at the house with – with her “
“Don’t make yourself suffer just because you think you deserve it. Stay in the spare room “
Tina raised an eyebrow
“I swear that you won’t get any unwanted night-time visitors trying to get into your pants “
“Really? “
“If I say something – I mean it “
Tina seemed to be assessing this comment and this offer
“Okay – I have to say that I don’t think I can stay in that house “
“How about we try and find you somewhere else and until we do – stay with us. Angie is still fragile, and you are so great with her – we could have a family meal tomorrow and then it’s the weekend “
“What about the exhibition?”
“I can show my face – and yes I do have to face her, but the dust needs to settle”
“I have had too much to drink “Tina looked at her empty glass
“I haven’t – I will go and tell Angie then we will get some stuff. “
Bette could see by the look on Tina’s face that this was a suggestion that Tina welcomed
“Thank you “
Bette stood up and rested her hand on Tina’s shoulder “I mean it – I will do what it takes. I don’t blame you for not trusting me – let me show you “
Tina nodded and lent back and closed her eyes. The house even though she had never lived in it felt comfortable and safe – it was classic Bette. All the organisation and the beauty – the two tenets of Bette Porter.