No mans Land

Tina : When Melvin told me he thought he knew where Bette was, I was so relieved and so ***** angry I might kill her when I find her. I am not sure why I was relieved, maybe because it meant I knew she was OK, physically at least. Why was I so angry, was it because she could just up and leave, was it because she was so far away, or was it because she hadnt called, maybe she doesnt care. It seems forever since she tried to call me. I know it sounds strange but Id become accustomed to her calling me and telling me how sorry she was and how much she loved me. From the minute she saw me holding Helenas hand that stopped. She called again but she never said those words. I am pretty sure that pushed her over the edge. She called one more time to tell me I could have whatever I wanted. That is the last time I spoke to Bette. I am surprised she hasnt called since shes been gone, even if it is just to find out about the baby. For the first time the thought hits me, maybe she isnt interested in the baby anymore. Sudden panic sets in, my sole aim is to find Bette. I am sick of no mans land, we need to decide our future. At the least she owes me an explanation. I start thinking about the things we shared, the good and the bad. The dreams we had, how did it go so wrong. If I am honest, I admit I havent spent the amount of time thinking about what went wrong like Bette has, maybe because I was too hurt and angry. I want Bette to be a parent to this child, for the child and for Bette. I do not know what the future holds for Bette and I but it needs to be resolved. I took the first steps towards that today, not that Bette knows. I told Helena I am going to find Bette, needless to say after much spirited discussion our relationship is over. I suppose I should feel bad but the truth is I do not. I called Kit and told her I am going to look for Bette and that I think I know where to find her. I told her of this place Melvin told me about, she said nothing but I knew she was smiling. I am beginning to think that I am the only one who doesnt know what is special about this place. I asked Kit why she didnt tell me Bette was gone, I expected her to say Bette asked her not to. What she said was I didnt ask about Bette, she would have the first time I asked, true to her word, she did just that. When Bette wanted to get away, she wasnt kidding, it is a long way away. It will be 48 hours from the time I leave here to the time I see her, if that is where she is. If she is not there, I have no idea where to look and neither does anyone else. I called Alice and straightened things out with her. It isnt doing any good for any of us to fight. I went to the house to get some things to take with me, and because I needed to feel like I was close to Bette. I sat out the back by the pool and it needs some cleaning up. I should have known Bette wouldnt do it. I bought fresh flowers, nothing fancy. Maybe I am trying to give the house life, like our relationship. I took Bettes ring and looked at the dead rose, thanked Bette for the gesture and harshly threw it in the bin. Sorry is not enough on this occasion. It will take a lot more than that. I cleaned up a little. I bought some basics that would store while we were gone. I dont know how long before I, we, Bette come home. I didnt put the pictures up again. I didnt sign the divorce papers. Bette must have had a reason for taking them down, I think I understand it but I want her to be ready to put them back up. I cleaned up our room. There are issues we need to sort out, there are things that happened I that room we need to talk about. There are many things we need to talk about. With that thought, I pick up my bag and wait on the curb for the taxi.