In that moment, my world stopped. She spoke to Candace, did I hear that ? What on earth possessed her ? It takes a good 30secs for me to realize I have a major problem. I just lied my ***** off. It was a calculated risk, a big one but none the less, calculated. And I know I just came out on the wrong side of that risk.

Bette : You did what ? How dare you Tina ? What is wrong with you ? That civility we promised each other is gone. I am yelling at Tina, waving my arms around, putting my hands on my hips, waving them some more as I speak. I am caught out, embarrassed, guilt ridden, ashamed and about to lose everything that has ever been important to me. Did you sleep with her to get back at me ?
Tina : What is wrong with me ? Bette are you kidding ? Let me get this right, Tina screams at me and points. You ***** another woman because you are too cowardly to come to your wife. I follow you half way around the world in the hope we might sort this out, that youd be honest with me and you have the nerve to ask what the ***** is wrong with me ? You cannot be serious Bette Porter. And then accuse me of sleeping with her, Jesus Christ Bette. Tina hasnt moved off the spot as I pace around, like a cat trapped in a cage.
Bette : Me, a coward ? Thats rich Tina. Dont blame me for you coming here Tina. I certainly didnt invite you. I say it in a smug way.
Tina : Coward, Bette. She whispers and stubbornly stands her ground. You were too ***** scared to come to me when things got hard and now this is what we are left with, the ruins of a marriage. Good solution Bette. 7 years for WHAT ? I have no job, no money, no where to live and I am five months pregnant.
Bette : Hang on a second, I say it accusingly. I was trying to protect you Tina. You can have whatever you want I told you that.
Tina : I didnt and dont need your protection Bette, we are supposed to be in this together. I am not your child Bette, I am you partner, we share things or at least we are meant too. Bette what did you think would happen if I knew all that had been going on with you, nearly being fired, the protestors etc.
I stood there thinking, is there anyway in ***** I can get out of this or maybe I am in *****. As I was thinking I didnt notice Tina centimeters away from me. I am looking at the ground maybe there is an answer there, maybe not too. Finally I look up, around anywhere but at her.
Tina : Bette, she says severely. Is there anything you have to say to me ?
Bette : I stammer, Im sorr.
Tina shakes her head indicating I should stop whatever I am about to say.
I look up and before I know it, its happened in a second ***** you Bette and her right hand has connected with my face for only the second time in our marriage. Now on top of everything else, I am humiliated because I remember what happened after Provocations, those same words. Oh my God, she is planning to leave again. In a second I am angry. I grab her hand around the wrist and shake her. I am screaming at her Listen to me, listen to me. Tina says nothing. She just looks on trying to wriggle her way free. I let go of her hand. I maybe a fool but I am not going to try and overpower again after what happened last time.
Tina : What is Bette, what am I listening , you wont tell me anything. I told you to be honest, that was my only request and you lied to me AGAIN Bette.
Bette : Tina, Im sorry.
Tina : Bette, stop saying that she yells.
I look at her, I am frowning trying to assess where she is at, when did I lose touch of being able to read her ?
Tina : I am leaving. We are through Bette. You are a liar and a coward and that is not the woman I married or wish to be married to. Tomorrow morning Bette, thats the earliest I can get a car. I am going home and I think this is yours. She throws my wedding ring at me. Tina storms off into her room. I know she is packing in there. No, I wont let her go and do this to me again. I open the closed but unlocked bedroom door that seconds earlier she slammed. I walk in behind her. She is packing her case. I stand behind her with my hands on her hips silently demanding she turns around. She doesnt. All she says is get out Bette. I dont move. She screams like a wild animal, get out, I hate you, get out, she points as she turns around. I go, I am defeated. I am many things, but I know when I am beaten. Tina always was the real strength in our house. She slams the door shut and I hear the lock go. I know she is crying.
It is cold and the wind has picked up. I decide to put the pot belly on because that will warm the house, not that I care if I freeze to death maybe that is preferable to this *****. I light a cigarette inside and get out a beer. I dont care if Tina doesnt like it. I put the wood in and I am rough with the pot belly, as though it is somehow to blame. Silent tears run down my face. Tears of grief and loss and humiliation and stupidity for not learning from my mistakes. I wipe them away angrily. I sit on the couch for an hour or so. Its grey out there, matching the mood in here.