Dana was holding down the horn for about the fifth time, when Alice finally stepped out on to the porch. Shanes laugh picked up where the horn left off as the porch light illuminated the little warrior, struggling to get her pack on. Bette threw her elbow up on to the door and as her head collapsed into her hand, she whispered, Unbelievable.

Dana: Sexxxxxy!

Jenny: Oh wow

Shane: Classic!

Alice cat walked her way down the stairs and as her steel-tipped toe hit the landing, she swiveled, exposing the frogmans ensemble with matching skull cap. She sashayed on over to the car, well, as best she could with the pack and all, to a round of gracious applause, courtesy of Shane, Jenny and Dana.

Alice: Thank you, thank you. Just your everyday standard Navy Seal camos, but theyll do in a pinch. I uh, usually have more time to prepare for my missions, but when a friends in needwell, you just have to make do, I spose. Theres a lesson here my friends. You remember I said that.

Bette: You wanna get the ***** in the car Joseph Campbell?

Alice stopped dead in her tracks and as Dana made an Oh ***** face, Shane sunk down in her seat, causing Jenny to just look at the both of them as if to say, What the *****?

Alice: Whoa, Betteyou gotta problem with Joseph Campbell?

Dana: Here we go

Shane: And we were almost on our way too

Bette shrugged as she looked from Dana to Shane and back to Alice, Forgive me. I didnt realize you were such an avid reader of Joseph Campbell…now can we

Alice: Really? And how long has your perfectly quaffed weave been stuck in the sand, exactly? Not an avid reader Bette Porter, avid FOLLOWER is more like it! I mean, The Power of Myth, Bette? You know, when this mission is over, I want you to go out and get yourself a library card mister, sister. Might help you figure out a few things, make what time youve got left on this marble a little less complicated. Mr. C saved my sorry ***** when I was at my lowest. When I was in the emotional sewer! The karmic crapper! When no one would listen, he was there. When no one would help, he was there. When no one would call, he was

Bette: thereGot it. Now get the ***** in the car.

Alice: Oh, wellmove over, I gotta make room for my pack

As they drove off, Bette reached into her bag and pulled out her T.O.E. notebook.

Line 19: Read, The Powerrrrr offfff Mythhhhh!


Alice: So a, whatcha writing down in there?

Bette turned her notebook away and said, Its nothing.

Alice: Seriously, why are you so cranky? Were going to get Tinas (Bleep) back Bette. Dont you worry about that for a second, I got it covered.

Bette: Well, at first I thought it was because Tina gave up her (Bleep) to Helena in the first place. Then I thought it was because you took 4 hours putting that stupid outfit on. Then I thought it was because you used my $200.00 eye shadow as war paint

Jenny: Is that what that is?

Alice: Just a couple of strategically placed smudges to cut down the shine.

Then I thought it was because I know Helenas type. Ive seen it before. Shes a Rooster, and its already 1:00 in the morning, which really only leaves us a couple of hours before she strolls into the office. But as I sit here talking to you, its all become so, crystal clear.

Alice: Well thats good, very positive; youre working out your issues by thinking them through. Thats real growth my friend. Okay so tell us, whats got you so blue?

Bette: Why the ***** am I in a Ninja outfit? I clearly remember saying I wanted to pick my own outfit out this time

Shane laughed.

Alice: What? Is this a joke, Bette? Do you know how many people would KILL for an authentic Ninja suit?

Bette: Not really, no.

Alice: Well, lots. And besides, you need to be limber for the climb, TURN RIGHT HERE DANA!

Bette: Climb? What climb??


Dana pulled the van up to the side entrance and put it in park.

Alice: Now Dane, I want you to keep the engine running like I told ya. Any sign of trouble and you just hit me on the walkie-talkie. Jenny, youre gonna go in first. I want you really pour it on thick. Remember, everything is just another experience to a writer. You can use this later. Okay, lets do this. Bette, Shane, behind me. GO!

Alice ran out as fast as she could and threw herself against the side of the building. Shane and Bette finally caught up and just stood in front of her. What are you two doing?? Backs to the wall. Do it!

Bette: Oh like they cant see you. Youre backpack is making you stick out about 3 feet from the wall, Alice.

Shane laughed.

Alice whispered loudly, Just humor me! Bette and Shane finally leaned their backs to the wall as they watched Jenny run into the building, pretending to be in distress. As she turned the security guard around to explain her unfortunate accident, Alice held up her fist. Okay, on the count of three, onetwo

As Bette ran passed Alice, Shane followed, causing Alice to roll her eyes and throw her hands up, before finally following the wayward, Ninjas. Bette and Shane made it through the revolving door with ease. As Alice waited for the door to come around, she gave Bette a thumbs up through the glass before stepping in and squashing her backpack, jamming it between the doors.

Jennys eyes opened wide at the sight of Alice, floundering like a jackass caught in a revolving door just beyond the, now concerned for her safety, security guard. She quickly lifted up her skirt and coughed loudly as she said, I think I might have broken something in the accident, as Bette and Shane became skittish, throwing their bodies behind the hugest planter they could find.

Bette: *****, now what?

Shane: Dude, I cant even look at her

Bette: This is just perfect

Shane: Are her feet able to touch the ground anymore?

Bette: Nope!

Shane threw her Ninja hood over her head as Bette crawled over to the emergency door. She let herself out, never taking her eyes off of Jenny, as she made her way to Alice. Whats the matter, are you stuck?

Alice just hung there and all Bette could see was the back of her head and backpack. No not at all Bette, I just figured Id hang out in here for a little whileYES IM STUCK!!

Bette: SHHHHHH! Okay, Im going to push on the door. You just wiggle yourself free.

Only Shanes teary eyes could be seen, as she watched Bette push Alice into the door. As Alices backpack squeezed itself through the opening, she dropped to her knees, causing Shane to Ninja roll out of sight. Bette crawled back in through the emergency door and slithered back to her spot behind the planter.

Alice gave Jenny a quick thumbs up before pushing the revolving door open and carefully crawling out. As she made her way over to Bette and Shane, she said, Wow, Jennys doing great, huh? I knew this would be a piece of cake.

Bette: Tinas (Bleep) better ***** be here.


As the elevator doors opened, they got down low, walking out and halting on Alices command. She reached into her now smashed backpack and pulled out a can of spray.

Bette: What is that?

Alice held up the can and sprayed the mist around, causing the security beams to illuminate. Ha! How standard.

Bette and Shanes faces were now glowing neon green and as Bette said, Holy *****, Alice said, Ninja suit Bette. Youll be just fine. She then reached into her pack and pulled out 3 pairs of goggles.

Shane: What are these for?

Alice: Night vision goggles ladies. Were going to need em! Put them on and follow me.

Alice managed to get her crushed backpack off and pushed it in front of her as she slid her body under the neon beams. Shane shrugged and Bette let out a sigh before following closely behind. Alice continued spraying, lighting up the entire hallway in the process, until stopping at Helenas door. Well, this is it.

Bette: How do you know? Has Tina brought you here?

Alice: Uh, no. Call me a psychic, but the plaque on the door that says Helena Peabody is a dead give away.
Alice opened the door, spraying one last time. Huhthis room has nothing. What a ***** cake walk. As Shane and Bette followed Alice in, they each stood up. Shane was standing in the doorway as Alice said, Well, were like 90 floors up. Id say its safe to turn on the lights so we can have ourselves a look around.

As Alice flicked on the light, a steal cage dropped in the doorway, causing Bette to jump and Aliceto scream like a girl. Shane seemed unaffected, as she remained standing in the doorway. HOLY *****!!

Bette: WHAT THE ***** WAS THAT??

Why arent you moving? Are you hurt Shane?

Shane: No Al, Im actually stuck.

Alice: In the door?

Shane: Yep.

Alice looked Shane up and down. Where? Shane just rolled her eyes to the side as Bette said, You have got to be kidding me.

Alice: Dont tell me that stupid blonde thing on the back of your head is whats stuck in there.

Bette: This is just ***** great. Not only are we going to get arrested, but were going to get arrested without finding Tinas (BLEEP) first!