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Jess — Plan B; pt. 38
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I came out of the bathroom and mom and Bette Porter were totally liplocked. Right there. At the table. In the middle of the restaurant. A family restaurant, no less, and not in the way that Aunt Alice refers to ***** folks as family. I.Am.So.Embarassed!
It’s got to be that Bette Porter’s fault. Mom didn’t do things like this before. She was always quite well behaved in public places. Sure, Aunt Shane, when she’s with a woman, kind of gets out of hand with the public displays at times. And when Aunt Alice and Uncle Frank were dating, they used to get all these stares when we were at primarily ***** places. I guess being a bisexual only counts when you’re being the ***** half.
But now. Mom. Normal restaurant. Abnormal behavior.
Why must they do this to me? First I have the Bette Porter extravaganza last night. And now, just to make sure I know how badly my life could potentially suck in the near term, Bette Porter uses the brief moments of time that I’m away to use the rest room to totally put the moves on my mom.
Yuck!
It’s all the fault of these cramps. And I’ll tell you, Bette Porter isn’t helping them go away.
When I sat down again, I made sure I practiced my glare on her. It’s not quite as effective as a mom-glare, but someday, we’ll just see major results, I’m sure.
Okay, I practiced for about two seconds. Then mom caught me and told me to behave.
Me behave? Me? I’m not the one indulging in vulgar displays in public.
By the time Aunt Shane and I returned to the table, Aunt Alice had joined us. Uncle Frank seems to have escaped again.
“So, Jess, your mom tells me that you’ve been busy.”
Yeah, Aunt Alice, and did you figure out that she’s been even busier? At least, she seems to be trying to be busier. I shrugged.
“So,” she continues. Aunt Alice kind of ignores really subtle body language. Actually, she ignores unsubtle body language, words, and a whole bunch of other things if she wants answers. I guess that’s what makes her a reporter. “This new boy, Jake. What’s up with the two of you?”
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I love the teenage attitude! thanks for posting.
Loved this chapter,lol, don’t kids/teenagers realize that its a parents mission in life to embarrass their kids.
P you have so nailed Jess down to a T..
Thank you.
whahooo so awesome. Now P. Go slow I can’t keep up. Sweet dreams. Yea i know oain meds kicked in again. I just had to open my mouth. but cha now i love ya story. sweet dreams
I like this story very much, so typical of a teen
Well, Jess and I have something in common…we both spewed! There were sooooo many funny lines in this chapter. “I don’t want to live with mom until I’m forty; thirty will be bad enough.”, “I mean, what does she expect me to say? Are you excited about your impending summer of house arrest?” were two of my favorites! And Jess’ comment to Bette that “It’s not art” was just so dead on for teenage snarkiness. Capturing true teenage rebellion, angst and self-righteousness is so hard to do, but you seem to achieve that effortlessly. I like the fact that Jess automatically assumed that it was Bette that made the moves to lock lips. We so don’t want to think of our parents as sexual beings. If she only knew the mack that Tina has going on!
Now, if you will excuse me I need to go and find my wipes to clean off the port wine from my keyboard and monitor.
By the way, thanks for choosing ‘short’ as opposed to nothing.
Loved this: ” Sure, Aunt Shane, when she’s with a woman, kind of gets out of hand with the public displays at times.” Or this: “Yup, I knew it. Depends on if she can convince my mom to shack up with her, probably.”
What a wonderful depiction of a teenager’s cynical mood.
Jess is gonna fall for Bette Porter, sooner or later. They are too much alike. Like mother, like daughter!
Thanks for continuing this saga, and desisting on the other one – it was entirely too Bootylicious for me!
lmao ! She my be teenage, but there are many of us who act in our heads, like that ! lol Thank you – Great !
I love your humor, please keep it up. Great wriiting!
Great story but i must say, Jess is bugging the shit out of me! When will she ever stop complaining and bitchin??! Send her to boarding school!
I’ve read the other comments and…yeah, what they said…funny, accurate portrayal of teen cynicism, and short beats nothing at all. Thanks again…
OK, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m about to slap Jess up side the head!
OMG it is to think when i had kids in that age to send then to China..lol..man that girl it too much..i think Shane is the one who can put some common sense on her…great chapter as always
this story is great – i love jess she cracks me up and the emotion is real. love it!
this kid is tough… it looks like she won’t give anyone a chance with tina…so how about some back story…how was she with other “DATES” tina had…did dhe act the same way…if she did …shane would be the one to set her straight…and tell her to just grow up… i love your story and can’t wait for the next
Can we see a direct conversation between Jess & Bette? I think if I were in Bette’s place I would take the bull by the horns so to speak
I will gladly take short over nothing.
“Not art”. Harsh.
K
Great as always, love it.
I’ve been following this story from the beginning and I’ve enjoyed every chapter! I think you’ve presented a very realistic representation of teenage behavior here….I’m loving it!
GOOD CHAPTER!