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Jess — Plan B; pt. 38
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I shrug again. And this time it’s not because I’m trying to be difficult – not that I do that a lot, but it does have its uses. But considering I’m going to go to school tomorrow and my entire reputation and life as I know it are going to be ruined, I really don’t know what’s up with Jake and me.
Aunt Alice smiles and the rest of the adults laugh. They’re all weird enough individually, but when you get them in a group, something super bizarre happens. Whatever.
Then, right as I was taking a drink of water, Aunt Alice actually says, “I noticed that your mom and Bette were getting reacquainted with each other’s tonsils.” Aargh! What could I do? I spewed water across half the table!
Unfortunately, I didn’t know I’d spew. I’d have aimed for Bette Porter if I had known. Instead, Aunt Shane and a basket of rolls received the brunt of the damage.
“Jess!” Aunt Shane was jumping out of her chair, trying to get away. Not that I blame her, of course. But it wasn’t my fault.
Try to explain that to mom, though. She whispered to me that we’d leave right then if I couldn’t control myself.
Part of me was ready to take her up on that one, but it was the less than sane part of me. I’m already in too much trouble. I knew that pushing things further would only put me deeper in the doghouse. I don’t want to live with mom until I’m forty; thirty will be bad enough.
Today is so not my day. None of them have been since Bette Porter came to town.
“So, Jess, are you excited about the end of the school year?” Aunt Alice thinks if she changes the subject, I’ll forget that the water trick was her fault.
Everyone else might forget, but I won’t.
“I guess.” I mean, what does she expect me to say? Are you excited about your impending summer of house arrest? Yeah, what does she think the answer should be? “I still have finals.”
Oh, geez. I should not have mentioned finals. Now I’m going to have to spend the afternoon locked away in my room, chained to my desk, studying.
“What’s your favorite class, Jess?” Uh, Bette Porter, why are you pretending to like me?
I shrugged.
This earned another mom death-glare.
“It’s not art.”
“So, Bette, how long will you be in California?”
Thanks Aunt Shane. If anyone was going to be nice enough to get me off the hook, I should have known it’d be her.
At this simple, direct question, Bette Porter looked like she wasn’t ready to answer. Ever. “It depends.”
Yup, I knew it. Depends on if she can convince my mom to shack up with her, probably.
“Yeah, Porter, what’s up with that? How long do we have the pleasure?”
Okay, so maybe there’s time when Aunt Alice’s questioning does come in handy.
Why does Bette Porter have to look at my mom before she answers any question? Why can’t she just say what’s on her mind?
“I’m not sure. There are a few matters I need to attend to.”
Yeah, yeah. And I’m sure we’re all breathless with anticipation to find out what those are. And I’m equally sure we won’t.
Where’s our waitron? I’m hungry. And I need more water.
(tbc…)
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I love the teenage attitude! thanks for posting.
Loved this chapter,lol, don’t kids/teenagers realize that its a parents mission in life to embarrass their kids.
P you have so nailed Jess down to a T..
Thank you.
whahooo so awesome. Now P. Go slow I can’t keep up. Sweet dreams. Yea i know oain meds kicked in again. I just had to open my mouth. but cha now i love ya story. sweet dreams
I like this story very much, so typical of a teen
Well, Jess and I have something in common…we both spewed! There were sooooo many funny lines in this chapter. “I don’t want to live with mom until I’m forty; thirty will be bad enough.”, “I mean, what does she expect me to say? Are you excited about your impending summer of house arrest?” were two of my favorites! And Jess’ comment to Bette that “It’s not art” was just so dead on for teenage snarkiness. Capturing true teenage rebellion, angst and self-righteousness is so hard to do, but you seem to achieve that effortlessly. I like the fact that Jess automatically assumed that it was Bette that made the moves to lock lips. We so don’t want to think of our parents as sexual beings. If she only knew the mack that Tina has going on!
Now, if you will excuse me I need to go and find my wipes to clean off the port wine from my keyboard and monitor.
By the way, thanks for choosing ‘short’ as opposed to nothing.
Loved this: ” Sure, Aunt Shane, when she’s with a woman, kind of gets out of hand with the public displays at times.” Or this: “Yup, I knew it. Depends on if she can convince my mom to shack up with her, probably.”
What a wonderful depiction of a teenager’s cynical mood.
Jess is gonna fall for Bette Porter, sooner or later. They are too much alike. Like mother, like daughter!
Thanks for continuing this saga, and desisting on the other one – it was entirely too Bootylicious for me!
lmao ! She my be teenage, but there are many of us who act in our heads, like that ! lol Thank you – Great !
I love your humor, please keep it up. Great wriiting!
Great story but i must say, Jess is bugging the shit out of me! When will she ever stop complaining and bitchin??! Send her to boarding school!
I’ve read the other comments and…yeah, what they said…funny, accurate portrayal of teen cynicism, and short beats nothing at all. Thanks again…
OK, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m about to slap Jess up side the head!
OMG it is to think when i had kids in that age to send then to China..lol..man that girl it too much..i think Shane is the one who can put some common sense on her…great chapter as always
this story is great – i love jess she cracks me up and the emotion is real. love it!
this kid is tough… it looks like she won’t give anyone a chance with tina…so how about some back story…how was she with other “DATES” tina had…did dhe act the same way…if she did …shane would be the one to set her straight…and tell her to just grow up… i love your story and can’t wait for the next
Can we see a direct conversation between Jess & Bette? I think if I were in Bette’s place I would take the bull by the horns so to speak
I will gladly take short over nothing.
“Not art”. Harsh.
K
Great as always, love it.
I’ve been following this story from the beginning and I’ve enjoyed every chapter! I think you’ve presented a very realistic representation of teenage behavior here….I’m loving it!
GOOD CHAPTER!