The apartment was dark but she knew that outside the sun would soon begin to rise and that in a little while the world would be waking up to another beautiful L.A. morning.  Except this morning would be far from beautiful for her.  In the darkness and emptiness of their once loving home Bette sat and contemplated what she had done and all that had happened as a result of her reckless and foolish actions.  In the hours since Tina has walked out Bette had had time to think about the last few months.  Now, at 5.30 in the morning, she was still confused and no closer to trying to figure out her feelings.  It was all just too over-whelming, the Marcus Allanwood thing, the baby, Faye Buckley, feeling unconnected from Tina and from herself, from her life.  Her once impeccably structured perfect life had spiralled out of control, out of her control and now lay in shreds like a car wreck.  The worst thing was she had no explanation of it all, no understanding and could think of no way to even begin to fix it all.  She couldn’t even explain it to herself let alone Tina.  It was like she stopped feeling, no, she had feeling herself.  She wasn’t Bette Porter anymore, she didn’t even know who or where that woman was.  These feelings she had were so foreign to her, she had always thought she knew exactly who she was, what she wanted and where she was going, but recently her conscious was plagued with questions, questions that she felt she couldn’t voice to Tina or anyone else – Have I become the person my father wanted me to be rather than who I really am?  Do I hide behind the lightness of my skin because it makes my life easier?  Who is it that I really am anyway?  Have I just become my father?  The apple never falls far from the tree.  Godwhy didn’t I stop myself, why, why  The questions continued but there were no answers.  She threw herself on the bed and tried to bury her head under the pillows in a childish attempt to stop her mind racing – Where is she?  What am I going to say to her to convince to give me another chance, to come home?  How can I fix all this?  But they wouldn’t stop and eventually Bette pulled herself up from the bed and made her way to the kitchen to put some coffee on.  As she did she realised she was still in the same clothes as the night before and the nights events came back to her.  Tina’s voice when she said she knew and the look in her eyes.  It broke her heart to see how much pain Tina was in and to know that it was her fault, that she had caused it.  All she ever wanted to do was take care of Tina, to protect and be the person to make her happy and in the end she’d hurt her more than anyone else.