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DANA’S JOURNAL

Alice is finally asleep, at the moment she seems to be without nightmares, which is good because it breaks my heart to watch her fight in her sleep. What I find funny about our shared nightmares is while she only seems to have them while she’s sleeping; I have mine during the day. Alice is the smartest, most observant person I know, yet she is clue free about how all this has affected me. I still can’t get over the feeling of almost losing the most important person in my life. Yes, I finally realized that Alice Pieszecki is that person, and hopefully if we ever get through this, one day I will let her know. I know in my head that Alice is alright, that she needs to heal, but I just can’t help wanting to keep her here with me safe. Tomorrow I plan to go on with my routine, and to start giving her some space to heal. But it’s hard for me to let go knowing that even though this is what is right, it’s not as safe. But life sometimes isn’t safe, so I need to start letting go so Alice can start to have her life back.

KITCHEN NEXT MORNING

Dana knew she had to go workout this morning. She had put off working out for a while now and she was starting to feel it. She had her cell phone, notebook and courage up, now it was time to just do it. She thought about asking Alice to come with her, but she decided against that, knowing she had to start separating herself from Alice.


Walking into the kitchen, the first thing she noticed was Alice cooking. Alice had told Dana yesterday she knew how to cook, but seeing Alice standing in a kitchen with a spatula in her hand was just odd looking. Dana walked over to Alice curious about what Alice was cooking. “So Alice, what’s on the breakfast menu?” Alice smiled and handed the plate toward Dana. “Egg, cheese, and mayo on toasted white bread.” Dana looked at the fried egg sandwich, then reached over and grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowel. “Al there is just so much wrong with that, I don’t even know where to start.”

Alice looked at her breakfast then, back to Dana, “You don’t want one?” Dana just shook her head negatively. Alice picked up her plate and sat down, while Dana poured two cups of coffee and headed toward the table. “Dana, is that all you’re having for breakfast?” Dana smiled at Alice and her concern about her meal. “Al, don’t worry I’ll get something at the club. So Alice, what’s on the agenda for the day?”

Alice sighed heavily. “I really need to go back to work, problem is my next assignment. I can’t think of an article I can write from your home, and I not sure if I’m ready to go out to face reality yet either.” Dana sat there feeling the pain her friend was going through, at least for her reality was somewhere she knew and felt safe and at home at. She had spent a large amount of time at the club in the last ten years, so in going there the only draw back was being away from Alice. Where as Alice’s job required her to go to unfamiliar places. “Al, I know you have to go to work, but if you’re not ready I can help you, I have plenty of money I can help till you’re ready.”


Alice could not believe the sweetness of her friend. “Dana, thank you, but I can’t do that; I wouldn’t be able to look you in the face if I took your money. Plus I have been living here totally free for too long anyway. I need to get my life back together. I love it here with you, but this isn’t real and I need to start facing what happen so I can get on with my life. So, as for what my agenda is for the day, Shane is coming over to take me and my work stuff back to my apartment, then I’m going to pick up my car and go talk to my editor. If all goes well maybe I’ll be able to do a little work from my apartment today.”


Dana wasn’t ready for this, she was just feeling up to working out and leaving Alice, and here Alice was talking about working and slowly edging back to into her apartment. “You don’t need to move out Al, I don’t want you to move out yet.” Alice reached over and placed her hand on Dana’s, “Dane, you know I have go back to work, and one day soon I’ll need to move back to my apartment, you know that right?”

Dana didn’t want this conversation to take place, “I don’t understand why you feel the need to rush, things are fine the way they are.”

Right away Alice could tell this was upsetting Dana, then it hit her Dana thought she was pulling away. “Dana I’m not going anywhere, I’ll probably beat you back. But if I don’t start working toward normality, I can see myself being consumed by this and never wanting to leave.” Dana looked Alice straight in the eyes. “Would that be bad?” Alice smiled at her friend. “I think you know the answer to that.”

Dana sighed moving to get up to leave. “Keep your cell phone on, OK.” Alice lifted up her cell phone, showing Dana she had it right there with her. “I’m only a ring tone away.”

CLUB HOUSE

Dana was actually having a good workout, she was playing a match against an up and coming female player, who was giving her a real workout. Although she was winning this younger player was making sure she felt every one of her 29 years. After winning the first set 6-4, she decided to give Alice a call before starting the next set.

Alice had to laugh at Dana’s references to being the old lady, telling her how sad it was that in the sports world that 29 is now considered old. But she also told her for an old lady she still knew how to whip the asses of most the kids out there. Dana smiled as she hung up the phone. It almost felt like the old days, she and Alice falling back into the friend mode, with Alice once again knowing what to say to make her feel better and laugh at the same time.

DANA’S CONDOMINIUM

While Dana decided her journal would be an old fashion journal, one that required a notebook and pen. Alice decided she would keep her journal in her laptop, printing it up for Jacq the day of their appointments.