Today I start my therapy so I’m really excited and eager to get my legs back, there is only one thing though Shane, she told me she would be here with me today, she promised, but I haven’t heard from her since I got out of the hospital, and even though I know I would like her to be here, I also know that right now I need her to stay away as much as she can, so I can try to stop this ***** feeling or maybe just make it stop hurting so much. Anyways therapy oh my God I never expected it to be so painful, I mean it really hurts, the therapist that’s helping me, she’s great but she will have to make my life a living ***** if I ever want to walk again. The only thing that makes it better is that Bette and Tina are here with me, tomorrow it’ll be Alice and Dana’s turn to come with me and then the day after that it will be Jenny and Carmen, they are the my strengthbut the one thing I have on my mind while Sheila (that’s my therapist’s name) that face I always focus on one thought “if I ever get to move my legs again this legs will only walk to you” it’s dumb and childish, and completely stupid I know, but that particular thought is what gets me through this entire day, and I’m pretty sure it will do the same tomorrow and the day after thatand the day after that. And even though I know I wouldn’t dare to go to her if my legs move again, that’s just a fantasy, the fantasy that helps me to get by and there is nothing wrong with that, is it?

            It’s been over a month since I started therapy and I’m getting a little worried ’cause none of us has seen or heard anything about Shane, and I’m only getting worried now, ’cause a month is usually what I used to need all alone to re-accommodate my thoughts before going back to my half normal schedule, but it never took longer, and like I said it’s been over a month, and I’m wondering where could she be, where would I be if I wasn’t attached to this ***** chair