I give up on love… it’s not that I’ve had any love relationship before… in fact… I have not been in any relationship before. For I know if I do get involved with someone other than her… I would not be able to give that someone the whole me. My heart has been long given to someone who will be impossible to be with.

‘In times everything will go away…’ that has becoming a mantra in my head. Well it did… but it went away in a very slow pace… it was so slow until I thought I was going insane missing her… aching for her… suffocating… I would have never believed in love at first sight… who would? But thinking back…

First year in college and the term just started. I was walking up the stairs to my dorm room after getting back from classes. There were two girls standing closely by the staircase chatting. I tried to make my way past them but was curious to what was shown in front of me. When I was getting closer to them, my heart raced… they seemed a little too intimate, like girlfriends.

I tried to walk passed them, while trying to avoid from being so obviously staring. But… there she was… looking affectionately into the other girl’s eyes while the other girl brushed her thumb on her cheek. I wanted to turn my head away from keep on staring, but I couldn’t…I was captured by the girl’s eyes… how the eyes to her souls are ‘opened wide’, letting on lookers ‘look’ into her. At that moment, I felt like I was falling into a deep hole… my heart stopped… the time stood still…

I felt dizzy, my surrounding started to spin. Only within a second, everything resumed… I breathed again and felt my cheek flushed… heart racing a mile per minute… all kinds of feelings and confusions rushed over me. I wanted to take off running to my room 2 more floors above… I was scared… frightened by the sudden strong feelings and emotions I had just experienced… the scene just now kept on playing in my head repeatedly… especially that stare which had me captured…

From that moment on, I had every intention to get to know her, she was living next door, it is still a wonder how I had never seen her before until that night. Were they together?