We became good friends, she was very shy and preserved, and she was straight when I, “Just admit that you two are together…” I tried to see if they were together too… “No, we’re only very good friends. Besides, I still like guys you know…” It stings a bit, oh well, at least they were not together and she was single.

 From good friends…to roommates…I still hadn’t told her about my feelings for her. When we graduated, she moved away to another city for good, after she moved out, ‘our’ apartment did not feel as warm as it used to be anymore… I no longer would rush home after work… no more laughter filled the apartment… although it was filled with sounds of my other roommates…yet I felt so quiet and empty inside.

Sometimes… well most of the time I missed her very much… could not help but to think about her day and night… when I woke up, when I was doing my daily chores, when I was going to bed… I craved for a little bit of information about her whereabouts… about how she was doing… but another more ‘realistic’ part of me refrain me from contacting her… I could hardly be her friend… I always wanted more than a friend with her… when we were spending time together, without realization I would turn into ‘girlfriend’ alike mode… this was unhealthy… I didn’t want to scare her… and I didn’t want to scare our mutual friends as well… I craved to hear her voice, her laughter, feeling her soft smooth skin, grazing through her silky shampoo scented hair…

I managed to ‘stop’ myself from having any kind of contact with her… but secretly I tried to chat with our mutual friends who’re close to her and who’re living near to her… trying to get any kind of information about her… but to no avail… sigh…

The instant messenger beeps to indicate a friend online. My heart still skipped a beat when seeing that familiar name appeared on the small box on screen. In split second, I would make myself to feel numb and restrained from the urge to start a conversation with this particular person.