Holding the mirror in the palm of her hand Shane considered the letter before her.  She knew she had to heed the advice she had left Alice with the night before and open it.  What worried her were the assumptions that Dana may have made.  After all when Dana had written this Shane apparently had her life in order and was in a serious relationship with Carmen.  Shane couldn’t bare the idea that Dana would be disappointed in her for the way that she ended things with Carmen.  Feeling restless on the bench, Shane stood up and perched on the railing over-looking the ocean.  Taking a deep breath she opened the letter placing the mirror and the empty envelope in the bag she had left at her feet. 

She held the folded pages in her hand searching for the final bit of courage she required to continue.  She sought reassurance the same place she always had taking a cigarette from its box and lighting it.  She took a long slow drag and blew it out leaving the cigarette resting between her lips unsupported by her hands as she opened out the letter and began to read.

Dear Shane,

First of all I want to apologise to you for writing this letter.  I know that things which cause you emotional upheaval do not sit well with you and that for you to be reading this is taking a strength you often doubt you possess.  I can picture you reading it though.  You will be alone.  Not just reading by yourself without someone else’s eyes peering over your shoulder but actually isolated from anyone who knows you.  If I had to bet on it, I’d say you are near the water somewhere with that faraway look in your eye.  You won’t be sitting down either as that requires a stillness that handling this letter prevents you from feeling.  Of course your trusty friend the nicotine stick will be allowed to accompany you for the process. Am I close?

Here is what I know Shane.  If it comes to it and you are reading this then my life has been shorter than I expected but it has also been fuller than I ever dreamed possible.  When I met you I was existing not living.  I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that no matter what was going on around me I was never able to feel content.  Of all the people in my life you are the one that had the greatest impact on changing that.  Although with Alice I experienced without question the happiest moments of my life I would never have been able to be the person I was with her if I hadn’t met you.  You taught me to accept myself and you were patient with me as I learnt how to do it.  You knew when to push me that little bit further and when to step back and allow me space.