Round the Bend

……….The sequence ends and begins….

The girl is blonde, beautiful. Model perfect. Eyes that are gray and reflect all these perfect colors, they soak up the sun. Her home is perfect. It’s full of light, the mentioned light that soaks in her eyes. Nice slanted shades that open and close at her will. Everything in her perfect home with her perfect light is white. White like mountain tops, like heavens…angel wings. Her lips are pink, bubble gum and sticky sweet. Honey blonde hair….perfect. Her body is warm, soft. Not all over soft you see. In some places she is like a boulder of strength. Her arms, her calves. Great little legs though she is quite tall. God….did I mention perfect?

When I say she is model perfect it is because that is exactly what she is. Perfect. Funny. Smart. Charming. Manners? Yes. Kind? Yes. Multitalented? Yes. Sweet and perfect. Loving….I could go on and on for hours if I really wanted to.

She is right now at this present moment gone, far away gone.

Where did she go? Why would such a wonderful woman leave me? And don’t let this perfect opening dissuade you from thinking anything other than gone. But yes she is gone. And it’s the sad same story you see. Because she left, well she left because of the things that I do. She left because of the thing that I am. The thing I will always be. Not a monster. Not a villain, at least I don’t think I am. Not some empty thing incapable of loving her. Just not the person she deserves.

 Look, the bottom line is that you’ve heard this all before, I love her but I am not good for her, yet there this is this conflict. I don’t honestly feel like I am not good enough for her. We compliment each other so well. It’s just….well old habits they don’t die the way they should.

It sounds like lame excuses. And they are. I am beating around the subject. It’s choking me hard just to say it. And it’s choking me hard because of the poison, toxic dye really. It was hidden inside the cache as a failsafe in the event of tampering and or theft.