I was in the middle of re-watching old reruns of Seinfeld with Lara when I received a call from a distraught Bette informing me that Alice was in the emergency room after a road accident. At once my stomach flipped over and over and my hands begun to shake, I asked Bette what had happened and she replied that they were telling her no information, only that Alice was in surgery. I hung up soon after. I was in a state of shock, Lara could tell by my face that something awful had happened and came to my side at once with a barrage of questions. All I could utter was that Alice had been admitted to ER. Lara immediately offered to drive me to Cedars Sinai and I accepted with a slight nod of my head which was spinning with all the unanswered questions I was withholding. How serious was this? Was it her fault? Was she on drugs at the time?  Was I going to permanently lose her? Was it deliberate? Would she want to see me if she was conscious? The last question I had to overcome as my desperation to know what was going on outweighed concerns of awkwardness. I grabbed my jacket, phone and keys and headed out the door with Lara hot on my heels. She was so patient that night, asking no questions and driving me to my ex without a second thought. That was Lara though, selfless and loyal. I sat in the passengers seat, worry written all over my face, my hands playing with each other in my usual nervous fashion, and thought about the downhill demise of Alice and I as lovers.

I was sitting in Lara’s car after just having had our second dinner which in all honestly was probably called a date. I’m sure to anyone watching we appeared more than just old friends catching up. Friends don’t touch each other’s hands for that long, they don’t hold lust fuelled gazes and they certainly don’t reminisce over the great sex once shared. I was being pulled under. Maybe pulled isn’t the correct word, it implies that I was being lead and I believe I was just as bad as Lara. I certainly wasn’t telling her to cool down the flirting, that I had a girlfriend, that we should just be friends or that I shouldn’t be seeing her now let alone again. I was the perpetrator and Lara was just caught in this triangular vortex that was sucking the three of us into a messy confusion.