Lara told me she’d had a great night and had forgotten how easy it was to spend time with me. I let a small smile play upon my lips as I remorsefully began to unbuckle my seatbelt. As I was clicking it Lara put her hand over mine and gazed at me. Her eyes penetrated me, so pure, so trusting. I didn’t know what to do other than stare right back. I don’t know how long we stayed like that but I felt a vibration in my front pocket quickly whisking my hand away from under hers and breaking the unworldly stare. She seemed disappointed when I said hello to Alice and informed her that I was almost at hers now. I said a quick ‘goodbye’ and a quiet ‘I love you too’ before hitting the end call button and sighing rather loudly. Lara just stared ahead, afraid to look me in the eye, confusion and resentment slightly playing across her face as her hands gripped the steering wheel. I told her I better get going and then she shocked me by saying one word, ‘don’t’. I had to ask her to repeat it because I wasn’t sure I had heard her correctly. She replicated it, this time with a pang of desperation and more than a hint of lust behind it. I turned to look at her and then I felt it. Her soft inviting lips were against mine in a fusion that was all too familiar, heavenly and deadly at once. I’m sure I didn’t kiss her back exactly but I was slow to stop it. That was as bad as retaliating and fuck did I want too. I wanted to taste her just once more and remember forever what she felt like. The shape of her tongue, the feel of her teeth dragging across my bottom lip, the sensation of blood rushing to my groin just through pure indulgence.

Once I caught myself I pushed her away gently and explained that I couldn’t do this. Something I’d later repeat when saying goodbye to Alice for what I thought could be the last time. Lara asked me if I couldn’t or wouldn’t, a question I honestly did not know how to answer. Although I felt like she deserved some form of explanation I didn’t give her one, instead I opted to open the handle and exit the car, heading towards Alice’s building with a brisk walk. I looked back just as I buzzed for Alice to let me in and seen how puzzled and broken Lara looked once more. Rather than comforting her I had passionate sex with Alice that night, maybe the guilt propelled me into it or maybe I just really needed my girlfriend, either way as Alice slept in my arms I knew I’d just gone down a one way street and there was no way I could turn back.