Lara honked her horn at the driver in front and turned on the radio to distract from the deafening silence that was overpowering us both. It was a welcome disruption from my painful memories of the past although I knew this would certainly not be the last of them. We were a good half an hour away from the hospital and it felt like we’d already been driving for hours. In truth it was only about ten minutes. As Lara hit another red light try as I might to refrain it, my mind began to wander again.

The next few days after the kiss with Lara were turbulent to say the least. Alice and I began arguing over the most unimportant things like who left out the milk, which one of us was supposed to fill up the cars with gas, hell even which channel to watch on TV. I needed space from her, from everything, even from myself and so asked for it. The hurt in her eyes was enough to make me regret the statement instantaneously but if I was to salvage our relationship I knew this was for the best. Alice did little to question my actions or protest, I think she also knew it was needed but hated to admit it. The week after I had requested time apart was filled with tennis to try and block out thoughts of either woman. I put all my guilt, regret, confusion and anger into my serves and forehands gaining sarcastic and positive comments from Harrison that I ignored. He knew I was having difficulties with my personal life and chose to stay out of it. Something I’m thankful for even now, I don’t think I could have explained what was going on in my head at that point without some form of breakdown occurring.

Lara had called more than once and I had ignored each of them. Thinking back I’m surprised that we even became a couple again after the way I treated her that week. Alice on the other hand had made no effort to contact me. This saddened me even though it was completely expected, I missed her a hell of a lot and it was hard not to just drive over there and get into her bed at night. I never specified how much time I wanted apart and she never asked, I presume she was waiting for me to decide and knew I’d come to her once I’d gathered my thoughts. I’m pretty sure she knew this was because of me seeing Lara again and that ate at me from the inside out. How could I do this to the woman I loved? I was fucking her around for my own satisfaction, to figure out some unrequited lust that had taken place a couple of years ago but was still so prevalent and reoccurring within my mind. I decided to call Al and ask her to meet me at the canyon we once shared a memorable trek on. The hike that had given us both an insight into how we felt about one another and truth be told, made my mind up to give this a go with my best friend was about to become the opposite.  

I was brought back to reality with the sudden halt in the vehicle. We had arrived and I was at once both apprehensive and eager to see the woman I’d spent so long trying to get over, the question was how would she act seeing me again? Lara asked if she wanted me to come in with her. I politely declined and told her I’d call her later with news. She understood it was nothing personal and kissed my cheek lightly telling me to update her when I could. I smiled apologetically and left her car. I briskly strolled into the reception area and asked which room I could find Alice Pieszecki in.