Fan Fiction
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Remembering Me – Bette Porter L Word
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Lying in bed next to Tina, the baby asleep nearby in her cradle, my mind begins its uncertain drift – in and out of a satisfied state. It’s been a wholly new experience having Tina back, after so much uncertainty, after controlling my rage to not wrap my belt around Helena’s neck in revenge for all the damage she’s done. Well, nearly did…before Tina regained her senses and came home.
It’s also not lost on me that I’m relating with total strangers on the Internet, instead of with any of my friends. Or someone else involved in all of this – Tina springs to mind, but not yet, I can’t talk to her about what feels obsessive to me.
So, who in our circle of friends could, first of all keep a fucking confidence, or relate to any of my questions about being a new parent?
Alice has gone off the rails. Her obsession with Dana is all consuming. Tina feels really badly about it, and so do I. If we weren’t juggling with Angelica’s uncertain schedule of sleeping, feeding and pooping, followed by a fourth ball in the air, her blistering screams sometimes just for the hell of it, I know we’d either be admitting Alice into a psyche ward, or taking a long walk down the beach with her to size up the need for it.
Other’s neuroses aside, my quest for today is to understand this: When the primal bond between baby and mother is imprinting Tina as the sole provider of mother’s milk, what is left for me? Where do I fit in?
I stare out the window and wonder. Could I’ve predicted these lesbian Daddy blues?
More clouds roll in off the ocean and I feel lost.
If it’s being their provider, I never open my power suit closet any more. By now, I’ve probably forgotten how to walk in heels and not crash into a busboy. I do, however; recognize the part of me who’s half-heartedly sending out her CV for job prospects every morning, but mostly, I stare at the professional listings letting my tea grow cold.
And without guilt, I like the new me, who has no desire to work, or wrestle with people egos, who mistakenly believe they know more than I do. No. Fuck them. I’d rather spend my early mornings painting watercolors of Tina and the baby while they sleep, and my afternoons fantasizing about having sex some day, one day, any day again.
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Wow. Such intense, tender moments again in the Porter-Kennard household, blackbird. I hope the new and exhausted mommies will find a way to really talk because they’re both going through a lot with the baby’s arrival. The sports announcer’s narration of Bette’s daring dive? Hilarious! That speaks volumes on Bette’s desperation for intimacy at that point.
Btw, are these season two stories a prequel to your earlier post-Lez Girls party and Mustangs posts? You’re on a roll here, so please continue this train of thought. But I hope you’ll get back and finish Mustangs too, at some point. You left us with a cliffhanger and I’m really curious how that story ends.
I have been meaning to tell you for many weeks now how much I love and appreciate your work, these lovely, unique stories, your gift for words and generosity for sharing your work and posting on a regular basis. Many thanks and two thumbs’ up, blackbird! Please write on! Cheers! ;D
Awesome writing and description of their most intimate and powerful moments. Their neural synapses are bathed in hormones and they can’t stop. Please continue.
A babysitter would help. If they had more moments like these, they would not go through all the crazy stuff that went on in Season 3.
*thud*…I fainted with that scene.. And love what is going on to Bette’s mind..Hilarious!… she’s quite desperate. ..:p to be laid.
I go for it and as I hold her by the back of her head and kiss her with everything I’ve got, I send up a victory flare. I dedicate this one kiss to all the frustrated motherfuckers out there.
Lines like that are awesome, and amusing too.
Thanks for another entertaining chapter!
A babysitter is really necessary.I love your writing.Thank you.
Thank you so much for your stories! Yes, please finish Mustangs.
i laughed about the 2nd shower scene about bette rushed to be with tina in the shower and again at the end when Tina quoted ” need a babysiter”. this is my 2nd favorite stories .. it is deeply passionate and i like the way you describes every details in the love scenes in the story.. i love reading about passion. “Milkyway” is my favorite and this is 2nd best.. thankful for you to share this stories …wonderfully done and great reading.
my dear lord… ..It’s like read it the first time…
This is crazy, fucking mind blowing, some deep shit, the emotions and feelings these two go through is extraordinary!
I think I missed this first read round! Glad I didn’t this time! Brilliant!
Good God! This chapter is the most highly charged and erotic that I think I’ve ever read. In my long years of living this side of the fence, This is my first encounter with the desire for breast milk and the deep connection that is struck when partners are brave enough to recognise it and indulge.
What a way back for Bette. I love your writing and you’re definitely in my top three of the best visual storytellers. I could hear Bette thinking and the deep dive that she took at the end of this chapter was magnificent.