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I laid on the living room couch for a while. The party was over and only two things were running through my mind. The first was the look on Claire’s face before she left and the second was the feeling I had when I saw Vanessa as I opened the front door. Guilt washed over me in different waves and magnitudes and the presence of my dad setting in the chair near me wasn’t bringing comfort like it normally did. I felt guilty for betraying Claire. This sweet girl did nothing but bring a smile to my face but yet the second I saw Vanessa, Claire had disappeared from my mind entirely.
Dad sat there in silence while my thoughts flooded in and tears started to gather at the corner of my eyes. I didn’t remember anyone leaving the party, I only remembered Vanessa leaving shortly after Claire, with a apology and a kiss on my cheek. Suddenly dad broke the silence and asked if I wanted to talk.
” Me and Vanessa kissed and Claire saw it.” I said and after that statement I almost choked on a sob. ” I know it was wrong but I didnt stop and think about what I was doing. ” He didn’t respond and for which I was thankful as I was laying there clenching the sides of the couch to help relieve some of this emotional pressure building up.
At the very beginning Claire had slowly made me forget about my feelings for Vanessa. I had no longer cried when I thought of her rejecting me or how her mother came between us. The thought of her with that guy didn’t sting my heart. All that progress of moving on however went down the drain the moment her father came to us and told us that Vanessa was gone. From that moment she stayed in the back of my mind day in and day out.
” It’s going to be okay Rose.” My father said as I felt his eyes on me.
Was it going to be okay I silently questioned? My heart was hurting because every inch of me wanted to go after Vanessa and just hug her for a little while longer instead of running after Claire and apologizing. I felt torn because of what my heart was telling me to do while my mind shouted at me to do the right thing. What was the right thing to do though? Did I feel bad about kissing Vanessa? No I didn’t, it was only the consequesces of that kiss that hurt.