A sort of surreal moment where it seemed like she had tunnel vision and was being hurled through one at warp speed only to stop suddenly, face to face with reality. Silent now. Forced to deal. No option to deny. She reconsidered Michael's request in light of this now undeniable fact.  'He's asking me to forever close a door that I hadn't even realized that I was leaving open.'  Without knowing on a conscious level that she had done so, Simone had reserved a part of herself that maybe she only had the ability to really relinquish to another woman …. her heart.

'He's asking me to do more than share his house and his bed. He wants me to commit to a life with him.'  This would require her to dive headlong into waters that she had only dipped a toe into and even then only when they weren't too threatening. Unfair to them both, she would be denying him a fully committed partner and denying herself… well, herself — who she really was, what she really wanted, who she really wanted.

And now having come this far, she had to push herself the rest of the way. She had to come to terms with the 'who' — 'say it Simone,' she berated herself, 'she knows it …. and deep down you know it too,'  engaged in a mental showdown between her conscious and unconscious mind the former spoke 'own it…. say it'  and the latter acquiesced 'Annabelle'  even in her mind it was barely a whisper.  But as now there was only one voice in her head it resonated more distinctly  'I want Annabelle.' 

Simone continued to inwardly realize both the gravity of Michael's request and her own revelation.  Not only would she be committing more fully to a life with him, which she definitely  didn't want, but she would be forever walking away from even the chance of a life with another woman.  But, not juat any woman.  In essence, saying 'yes' to Michael, meant saying 'no' to Annabelle.   That was the reality.  She just did not want what Michael had to offer and now that she knew it (or was willing to admit it,) she was obligated to let Michael know too. She did not however think that he needed, or deserved, to know why. For now, the whole truth, was hers alone to contend with and dream about. Only seconds into realizing that it wasn't just Michael, but his whole gender that she was rejecting, and that her apparent heart's desire was one of her underage students, she really couldn't imagine ever telling him the whole truth.